


May I?

by EmilyCupcake



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Anxiety, Attacks, Boggarts, Classes, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dan Howell - Freeform, Existential Crisis, Family, Fluff, Gay, Hogwarts, Hufflepuff, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phanfiction, Phil Lester - Freeform, School, Shipping, Slytherin, Wizards, fears, friends - Freeform, sweets, wand
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-05-11 14:47:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 21,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5630395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmilyCupcake/pseuds/EmilyCupcake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As a fifth year Slytherin in the legendary Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Dan Howell is not expected to be best friends with Phil Lester, a Hufflepuff, according to history.  But Hogwarts has changed, along with the times, and the two best friends are not the only ones in an unusual pairing of friendship.  However, are they simply friends?  Or is something else occurring?<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! So I know, Dan and Phil are 4 years apart, but just to make it more convenient, I decided to make them both Dan’s age. Enjoy!
> 
> 2006: Dan and Phil are 5th years  
> September of 2002: Dan and Phil start Hogwarts  
> 1998: Battle of Hogwarts  
> 1996-1998: Second Wizarding War  
> 1991-1998: Golden Trio attends Hogwarts  
> June 11th, 1991: Dan's birthday  
> January 30th, 1991: Phil's birthday  
> 1980: Golden trio birth year  
> 1981-1988: Mrs. Howell attends Hogwarts  
> 1970: Mrs. Howell’s birth year  
> 1973-1980: Lesters attends Hogwarts  
> 1962: Lesters' birth year
> 
>  
> 
> Also, (sorry for such a long note) I know 15 year old Phan does not look like they do in the moment, but I'm writing as if they look like their 2011 selves, and act as a combo of 2009/2015

One last night. One last night before I see him.

Phil: Goodnight!!!

Dan: goodnight!

Phil's last text stays on my screen and I sigh. One last night before I can leave home and go to school so I can see my Phil. My best friend, the Hufflepuff. Ever since he fell off his broom onto my face during first year flying lessons, we had been best friends. He's sweet, kind, wonderful, cheerful, attractive…

Wait...

Nevermind.

But he's my Phil, and even though he's a Hufflepuff and I'm in Slytherin, we're both so close. Hogwarts has never seen a better friendship.

Tomorrow is the day. One last night.

*

“Dan! Are you set to leave for the station?” It's 9:30 in the morning and I'm packing my trunk to leave for school.

“Yeah mum, hang on!” I turn my phone off for the last time until I come home from school on break. As my phone slowly goes out, I get one last look at my background pictures of all my friends and I at King’s Cross before summer break started. Louise, PJ, Chris and Phil and I. I smile, knowing that I will see them soon. I can’t wait to spend another full year with Phil. “You ready, Cheri?” Cheri whistles through her cage. “I know, I'm excited too.”

Making sure everything is packed in my trunk, I haul it down the stairs. Holy shit, I mumble. Thankfully Hogwarts has so many stairs, or I'd be incredibly fat. I clearly don’t exercise at all.

I drop my trunk and coat on the landing and run over to my dad and my brother.

“Bye, Danny, we’ll miss you,” they hug me.

“And you’ll write to me everyday?” I ask my dad. He nods and I smirk back at him. He’s the only muggle in our small family of three, so it’s taken him a bit of time to understand the wizarding world. He finds it a bit strange that we still use owls to communicate, so it’s always interesting to hear his stories of encountering various owls.

Waving good bye out the window, mum drives me to the station. I sit in the passenger’s seat as she turns corners.

“So you’ll be alright without us?” she winks.

“Of course, I’ll need no help jinxing all the Gryffindors in my path.”

“Now don’t you go hurting any of my metaphorical children,” she hits my arm playfully. Mum was once a Gryffindor, and I thought she’d be disappointed hearing I was accepted into Slytherin. Like the problematic person I am, I avoided writing to her when I got sorted. But the next morning an owl arrived saying she was so proud. She always knew I’d be a Slytherin. After the Second Wizarding War, the rivalry between the two houses isn’t as strong, and houses don’t actually sit apart anymore at meals and even in classes. There's really barely any rivalry between anyone anymore. Mum actually likes to call Phil “our little Huffledor,” because of his strong loyalty, like Gryffindors, and his Hufflepuff kindness. She jokes that he's a mix of the two of them. “What are you thinking about, hun?” "Just our Puffledor. I mean, Huffledor.” Wow, am I uncoordinated or what?

We arrive at the station, and I reach over to hug her goodbye, but she insists upon staying until the underground comes. While boarding the tube, the electronic red clock catches my eye, saying 10:00. I have about an hour to get here, Wokingham to King’s Cross in London. I wave out the window to mum and almost drop my trunk on a wrinkled old shoe.

“Uh, son, do you need help there?” a short, plump owner of the shoe asks me as I look for a seat. I often get weird looks when I carry around Cheri, my owl, in her cage. Also, my big black trunk is pretty heavy so that doesn't help my case.

“No, sir, I'm all set,” I respond.

“Did you say something?” he asks. Oh shit, am I mumbling?

“Yes, sorry. I said I'm okay. I mean, I don’t need any help,” I rush to get the words out of my mouth.

“Alright then,” he turns away and brushes off his shoulders. Dammit, Dan. You're not even at Hogwarts and you've already fucked up human interaction. How am I ever supposed to talk to Phil if I can't even talk to random people on the tube?

What the fuck, Dan? Phil? Literally, why are you thinking about Phil now? Oh shit. Now the man is staring. Great. I must have been talking to myself. Glad to see nothing has changed. I cough to break the silence and move to sit down. He looks at Cheri before I can go.

“That's a nice bird you've got there. What's her name?” Ugh. I hate strangers.

“Cheri,” I brush my fringe out of my eyes. The man’s gaze intensifies as I utter Cheri’s odd-sounding name.

“Going to some sort of an outdoor hippie school, boy?” the man asks me suspiciously.

“Something like that,” I laugh. The man’s eyes bug out and he moves carriages. 

Chuckling to myself, I sit down. Scaring strangers is so much fun.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil gets ready for the first day back at Hogwarts with his brother, excited to see Dan again.

"Phil!" A deep voice rang up the stairs, "Time to wake up!" I rolled over and groaned.

"Nooooo," I struggle to form words

"Come on! Unless you want to miss the train!" the voice calls back up at me. The train? What train? I blink and rub my eyes. Yawning and turn over on my side and squint at my phone. 5:30AM, wait, why am I up this early? My groggy eyes shift down and see the date. September 1st, 2006. My head shoots straight up and I grab my glasses from the bedside table. I squeal and jump on to the floor.

"No I’m not going to miss it!” I run over to my doorway and poke my head outside. Martyn is waiting in his uniform, grinning widely. 

“You sure?” he teases me.

“I’m coming!” I pull the blue curtains that act as my door close and rush around my room getting ready. I pull my legs through my usual black skinny jeans, all yawns gone from my system. Yes, it's only 5:00 in the morning, but it’s the first day of school! I get to go back and learn and see all my friends and Dan.

I get to see Dan again! Alright, I will admit, I have seen him for most of the summer, but it’s such a long drive between the two of us, it’s so hard to stay away from him. Dan is my best friend and I love spending time with him. At Hogwarts I get to spend all day with him, and sometimes I’ll even have lessons with him. After the Second Wizarding War, which we both survived, things changed at Hogwarts. Everyone is more friendly and I love it! Houses are allowed to sit together at meals and more often we have classes together. I wish we were in the same house. Then we could spend nights together awake, just talking. Yes, I have Chris and Louise, more Hufflepuffs, but talking with Dan is almost as beautiful as Dan himself. His eyes are so easy to get lost in, with gold flecks, circulating around and shining in the sun. 

Woah, accidental deep thought! I unlock my phone and glance at the two of us last year at the station, him in his black circle shirt and I’m in a red flannel. I can’t wait to see him again. 

Okay, I’m spending way too much time thinking about Dan and not enough time getting ready. I pull my white and blue “Team Sonic” shirt I bought with Dan in the Wokingham shopping center with him. It reminds me of all the amazing summers we’ve spent together, sitting close together in front of a screen. So close I could have just leaned over and--

"Hang on, Philly," I mutter, using Dan’s nickname for me. Come on, focus. It’s going to take about four hours to get to the big city London from our small house on a hill in Rawtenstall. I need to get going!  
Martyn is driving me, as he needs to head to Diagon Alley for his position at Florean Fortescue's, the best ice cream shop in existence. Normally he apparates daily, but today he's driving me in. He’ll stay at the Leaky Cauldron overnight. From what I can see, Martyn has a fantastic job. He gets loads of free ice cream, which is so much better than any other ice cream around. If I can't be a Care of Magical Creatures professor at Hogwarts, I definitely want to work with Martyn, who got the job after Florean himself requested his services.

I hear Martyn starting his rented muggle car up and I pull my shoes on over my one blue bunny sock and one red and yellow striped sock. I turn my phone off after one last glance at Dan’s grin. “See you soon,” I whisper.

I lug my huge trunk down the stairs, just a hint of the enormous stairs all over Hogwarts. Mum and dad watch my come down the stairs from the couch and stand up to hug me. I throw my trunk down and run into their arms like a young child. 

“Goodbye, honey. We'll miss you so much," my mum kisses me on the nose and straightens out my fringe she dyed black for me with a simple colour change charm. Her eyes fill with tears and I squeeze her tightly.

“Be good to those Gryffindors, Phil,” my dad's muscled hand pats my shoulder, winking. He was once a Gryffindor. I laugh and hug him.

“Of course I will!” I promise. I step back to look at both of them. “And mum, I promise to bring pride to the Hufflepuff house," I say heroically, striking a pose. “

"Don't be silly, hun," she says absent mindedly. Oh. She looks over at the clock on the wall and hands me my incredibly large trunk from the floor. "What about Alan?"

"Oh, almost forgot!" I whistle once with two tongue clicks, and Alan gracefully swoops in from the kitchen. I pat his head and usher him into his cage dad holds out.

HONK!

"Oh, no! Don't want to hold him up, dear!"

"Alright, mum!

"Write to us!"

"Alright, mum!"

"Be safe!"

I giggle, "alright, mum!" and shut the front door, running over to Martyn's car.

"Get in, mister!" he hits my shoulder.

"Why don't we just apparate? That would make things a lot easier, I could be sleeping now!"

"I wish," Martyn snorts. "But mum and dad wanted me to be safer around you, now that you're growing up to be a 'lovely role model,'" he imitates mum's voice

"But we've apparated together before!"

"I tried, Phil," Martyn sighed, "but they would not be swayed last night. Besides, what did they want from you in there? To convince you to change Alan's name?" he changes the subject.

"Oh, come on!" I hit him on the arm as we pull out into the street. "It's a great name! Besides, I can't make decisions that quickly." This summer when I got Alan, the lady at the shop had me name him right then, and I didn't know what to do! "At least Alan isn't a boring name, like Snowy or Wings." Martyn rolls his eyes. "Anyway, normalness leads to sadness," I say formally, imitating the voice of our Minister of Magic

"It's an owl, he doesn't care."

"Animals have feelings, too! How would you like it if your parents named you Fluffy?" Martyn chuckles.

"Fine, fine, you win."  
“Does that mean I get to choose the radio station?” He groans. “You secretly like my taste in music!” I see him smirk out of the corner of my eye and flip through various stations. I settle on one playing last year’s Fall Out Boy album, From Under the Cork Tree, a “45 minute programme for the station” the announcer says. “Dance, Dance,” beings and I look out the window as the country and hills disappear, turning into a bustling city. Martyn lists all the new flavours in order this week and time passes as I look out the window. Each town that passes by brings me closer to London, and closer to Dan.

*

I wake up to Martyn rubbing my shoulders. I must have fallen asleep along the way. Not surprisingly, as I was woken up at 5:30! I am not an early bird. Maybe Dan and I shouldn’t have stayed up so late talking. Hmm.

"I'm going to park this thing in a parking garage around here," he wears buttons up a long double breasted coat to cover up his Fortescue’s uniform. "Can you check me in to the Leaky Cauldron? I've already got a room," he gives me his wizard money wallet, keeping wallet with muggle money, and sends me along, getting my school stuff from the boot.

"Meet you by the wall?" I call back at him. I see him nod as I almost get run over by a business man walking along. He rolls his eyes. "Sorry!" Luckily we covered up Alan’s cage with a simple black cloth so he could sleep and we would attract less attention from curious and serious business muggles. Passing through the Leaky Cauldron is simple at this time in the morning. Wizards are apparently not accustomed to being up at 9:30. That must be why I’m a night owl! 

I walk up to a worker with a name tag saying 'Steve' and does not seem to have the motivation to be up at this time. "Good morning!" I greet him.

"You got reserved rooms already?" he yawns. I nod, pointing to 'Martyn Lester' written in the guest book. Steve holds out his hand and I pour out the contents of Martyn's money. He nods at me and I roll my trunk through the restaurant to the back wall. 

"Morning, Alan," I unveil his cage. He chirps at me and I laugh at his seemingly cheery mood.

"You ready, Phil?" my brother comes up behind me, peeling his coat. The brick wall into the Alley looms in on our tired, morning eyes. 

“Up three, over two,” Martyn mumbles as he taps his wand on each of the correct bricks, even though he knows the order by heart now, he just does it out of habit. “Right so I can get us some bacon for breakfast. I think we’ve got a pound or so back in the stores.”

“Yes, I’m going to have the entire pound of bacon. Oh, oh! Look at me, I’m so British I eat my crumpets with a pound of butter melted into them,” I walk to the front door of the store with my pinky up and Martyn trailing behind me laughing. 

“We do have the best crumpets in all of England, right in the stores of Florean Fortescue’s,” Martyn tempts me as he unlocks the doors. 

“I’m going to need room for all the sweets on the train trolley!” I complain. Nevertheless, I run back to the storeroom to grab supplies to make breakfast and the legendary crumpets. I grab three out of the elaborate box and run into the kitchen.

“Who’s the third one for?” Martyn counts out.

“Dan, of course!”

"Right, of course. Let him know I said hi," he smirks.

"What's that face for?" I shove him.

"What, I didn't make a face!" he knows full well he made a face.

"Oh, whatever," I giggle and prepare a container for Dan, beginning to fill it up with a crumpet and crispy bacon Martyn finishes up frying. We sit down at the counter together, savouring our last meal together for a little while. Time passes too quickly. I help him get ready to open up the shop, and my mouth waters over all the different flavours. "Peanut butter and jelly? Is that even good?"

"It's amazing. But not as good as cheese flavoured!" he whips out a container of my least favourite tasting food ever. 

"No, get that thing away from me!" I laugh and close my eyes. I imagine Dan with his dad's video recorder, standing over me as I eat a piece of leicester cheese for the camera. I smile at the memory, but cringe at the taste. In that moment, my brain scans through the virtual book of memories I have of us together, and I realize, I'm in a place where nothing can hurt me. 

*

At platform 9 ¾, the crowd is thick and I wait by the wall for the familiar brown fringe to pass by. My head follows each person that passes through. Loads of first years, a seventh year, some bratty third years, gossiping sixth years, the tiniest girl I have ever seen, Dan, a curly-haired second year--

Wait.

I crash into the tall, tan figure as his rich, chocolate curls mix with my ebony strands of fringe. 

"Phil!" No, nothing can hurt me now as he wraps his skinny arms around me and I feel his tears on my shoulder. With Dan around me, I am home at last. 

"Dan!" I squeeze him tight. "I found you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this was mostly just Phil's feelings, guys! I kind of just channelled an inner Phil and typed, if that makes sense. Thanks all you guys who have read this and I really hope you enjoyed it. It feels so awesome that you guys actually want to read my stuff! So yeah, I hope to get better with more action rather than thoughts. Let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The train begins to roll along as Dan and Phil meet up and head to Hogwarts

Chapter 3  
On the ride to King’s Cross, I catch up on some summer homework, because I might have procrastinated a little bit over the summer? Okay, maybe a lot. Literally, History of Magic is so boring. Professor Binns is still teaching, but at least some of the war heroes from the Hogwarts Battle often come back and tell their stories. But anyway, it's not like I want to be a historian. I'm not sure what I want to do with my life, but I've got loads of time. Right? 

“Shut up,” I mutter. Not time to start having an existential crisis. 

“Kings Cross Station,” the monotone voice calls out and I pick up my stuff. Cheri twitters as I clumsily lift her down from above. 

“I'm not going to drop you,” I laugh and stick my finger through the bars. She nips my knuckle and I shake my hand as I walk off the compartment. It’s 10:55, so I've made it just in time. Fortunately, Platform 9 ¾ is only an escalator ride away from where I am now. 

On my descent, I scan the heads, looking for any owls and big trunks running towards the large pillar in between 9 and 10. A few nervous first years stick with their mothers and siblings. I wave to a few of them as I walk through the crowds. A tiny first year looks up at me, terrified. 

“Do you need help?” I ask her. 

“I'm just scared,” an Irish squeak answers me, dimples and freckles gleaming. I kneel down to her level. 

“Don't worry. Everything will be fine. Just run straight on, and you'll be right there!” 

“Does it hurt?” she winces. 

“Not at all,” I wink. Holding her hand, I guide her towards the barrier. “Are any of your parents here?” I ask, realizing she's alone. 

“No, they're muggles and afraid of being near wizards. I'm Keelan, by the way. What's your name?” my heart melts for this small, sweet little girl. Parents that leave their eleven year old alone? No one deserves this. Not even muggle borns. Keelan smiles up at me, twirling her hair, all the fear that was there before completely gone. 

“I'm Dan. And don't worry, Keelan, it’s going to be okay," I pat her head of curls. She lets go of my hand, grabs her luggage and bravely runs into the barrier. “You can do it!” I call after her. I can practically hear her celebration from the other side. 

Dammit! Keelan’s curls remind me that I was up so early I totally forgot to straighten my hair. I’ll do it on the train, I guess. Mum recommended using incendio and adding a Flame-Freezing Charm to convert the heat to a warm breeze. Besides, Phil won’t mind. 

Okay, now that’s sorted out. A few more students run through the barrier. My turn. “Ready, Cheri?” she tweets as a response. “Right. Here we go again.” I step forward, checking to make sure I’ve gotten all my stuff together. It looks completely solid, I understand why Keelan would be afraid, remembering my first time at the barrier.

I start to walk towards it. People jostle me as I move forwards. I pick up the pace and lean forwards, supporting myself on my cart. Breaking into a heavy run, muggles around me don’t notice a thing as the wall gets closer and closer. I prepare for the rush of air as I pass through--

BAM

Did I just crash into the barrier?

I look up, and see a friendly face burrowing itself into my shoulder. No, I didn’t crash into the barrier. I landed right in the arms of my best friend. 

“Phil!” I wrap my arms tighter around him and laugh out loud from joy. 

“Dan!” I feel a drop of wetness fall from Phil’s cheek onto my shoulder. Phil’s voice is so pleasant to listen to. “I found you,” he sniffles into my ear. 

“I found you, too,” I giggle. The first time Phil and I had ever met, we had been in flying lessons, something neither of us are good at. This was the first time he crashed into me. For our third lesson, to get used to steering, we played a sort of hide and chase game close to the ground on the quidditch pitch. I was terrified, so I hid over by the Hufflepuff tower. Phil couldn’t get his broom to steer when he had been elected to find us. He crash landed on top of me. “I found you,” he had wheezed out. “I found you, too,” I had uttered before passing out. We both woke up in the hospital wing, still gladly speaking out “I found you’s” to this day. 

“Are you ready to go? I’m so excited I can’t wait at all! We’ll probably do loads of cool stuff this year!” he bubbles over with typical Phil energy. “We could study some new animals and advanced spells and learn helpful charms around the house-- oh, before I forget,” Phil fishes around in his pocket, “I made you breakfast while Martyn and I were at Florean’s!” he holds out a warm glass container of bacon and the world’s finest crumpets.

“Oh, Philly, you didn’t have to--”

“You wouldn’t want to miss out on Florean Fortescue’s incredible food, would you?” he taps my shoulder and gives me an overly exaggerated inquisitive look that makes me snicker.

“I know, I know, you’re right. You know me too well,” we head over to the open doors of the famously scarlet train, billowing smoke. Phil hands me the container as we step up onto the train. It’s slippery with his sweat. A first year bumps into me and I stumble.

“Dan, look out!”

“Oh, fuck!” we both scramble to grab the glass container. 

“I got--”

“Wait no--”

“Just got--”

“It’s almost on the floor!” I dive onto the train’s carpeted entrance and Phil does the same, landing right on top of me. I turn beet red. 

“You got it?” Phil asks, looking into my eyes. I know he’s asking a simple question of whether I caught the glass container or not, but I can see in his eyes, he’s making sure I’m okay. Checking in with me, because he’s found me. 

“What? Oh, yeah,” I shake the glass a bit, physically getting those thoughts out of my head. My face is still heated, so I try to get up, so someone doesn’t see me. “Oh, uh, Phil could you,” I cough.

“Uh, er, sorry,” he brushes off his hands and turns a bit pink.

“It’s just that, uh, we were, we were, uh, blocking the entrance, that’s all.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Should have thought of that before, sorry,” Phil smiles at me.

“Oh, just forget it,” I push him playfully to release the tension. “Anyway, we should probably find our compartment,” we start to walk along the train, searching for an empty space. “Have you seen anyone else yet?”

“No, not yet,” he admits, “they’ll find us when they get here,” he sticks his head into one. “This one seems good,” he holds his arm out, gesturing me inwards. We duck into the compartment, standing only as long as we need to so we can store our robes on the racks. “That was a lot of standing,” Phil sighs as we sit down next to each other. 

“I had loads more standing to do! I walked across King’s Cross. I even used an escalator!” Phil bursts into a fit of giggles. 

“A lot of standing? Speak for yourselves!” a voice says from the door. Chris! We both get up to hug, but then realize he’s completely rain-soaked. Phil pulls out his wand and performs a hot-air charm. 

“Better?” he asks, patting his coat.

“Loads, thanks mate!” Chris pulls us into a hug and sits down next to me. 

“So how’d you get soaked? And did you do more standing than riding an escalator?” Chris opens his mouth to speak, but another familiar voice interrupts from the corridor.

“Yes, he did. And my mum insisted on picking him up on the way there. He got the seats all wet!” PJ walks in and we all hug each other in a giant group. “Not that I mind his glorious presence.”

“So Chris was outside and your mum picked him up and it was raining and what?” Phil asks, utterly confused. Everyone laughs simultaneously. It’s such a nice sound, and it’s so great to hear it after being apart for so long. Chris and PJ explain that Chris was waiting outside for the bus to King’s Cross in the pouring rain. PJ’s ever loving mum simply had to pick PJ’s best friend up. So they rode to the station together. 

“Why were you later, then, PJ?” I ask. 

“Well my mum had to barrage me with hugs and a dramatic goodbye speech! She just couldn’t let me go,” he puts a dramatic hand over his curly brown locks. “I guess I’m just too special.”

“You are special, PJ,” we chorus. 

“Just maybe in a bit of a different way,” Chris adds. 

“Of course I know that, but isn’t that what friends are for?” PJ asks, “to make sure you’re not alone in the mental hospital?”

Laughter rings through our compartment at PJ’s comeback, hinting at an amazing year of sneaking into the room of requirement, staying up with Honeydukes sweets, and snuggling with Phil. I put my legs up on to his lap and watch the cities roll away as the whistle of the train begins. Phil and I look deep into each other's eyes. Yes, this is going to be an amazing year.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW, existential crisis, panic attack, depression, self harm. If you want to skip this, do not read the part in between the two chains of asterisks. Please stay safe.

PHIL

"Anything off the trolley, dears?" the lady knocks at our closed glass door, rolling up with her huge cart of sweets. The four of us shoot up with a glint in our eyes.

"Yes, please!" I announce, sliding the door open and peeking my head out of the compartment. My first sight is the most amazing selection of sweets, right outside at our door. I glance upwards to meet Mrs. Charity Murray, the happiest old lady in existence. She's constantly smiling, and smells like the muggle candy Dan likes, m&ms. I think it's because she's surrounded by sweets. "Hello!" I greet the sweet old lady.

"Oh, Phil, sweetie, I hardly recognized you!" Mrs. Murray pulls me in for a hug. Her dimples light up her rosy cheeks, just like Dan. The grey curls on her head are covered by a simple knit cap, matching her fall-themed cardigan "How's the family doing?" Mrs. Murray as a good friend of my grandma, so she comes around to visit every once in a while. Mrs. Murray waves at the other boys and lets them select between the various magical sweets I've missed over the summer. They pay in silver and bronze coins and go back inside, with sweets cradled in their arms.

"We're great! Dad's still announcing for loads of Quidditch matches and mum's got a magical plant shop open, I'm sure you'll love that! Martyn's got a job, too. " 

"Oh I was so proud of little Martyn when I heard about his job. I've seen him in the Florean's ice cream shop shop back in Diagon Alley, and he's doing a fine job managing all those people."

"That's fantastic," I gather the last of my desired sweets into a bag and hand Mrs. Murray six sickles and two knuts to pay. "If you see him, let him know I say hi and I miss him already."

"Of course I will! Such sweet thoughts, and what a kind boy you are, Phil," Mrs. Merrill gives me a bright smile and a pat on the cheek.

"Thank you ma'am," I tip my imaginary hat at an 90 year old woman. What my life become? I see Dan laughing from inside out of the corner of my eye. "Anyway, I should go back in, I don't want to make you late for the next compartment," I comment, glancing down to the next compartment at the impatient 2nd years waiting with their faces pressed against the glass in anticipation.

"Don't worry about it, hun. See you around, sweetie," Mrs. Murray moves on and I wave goodbye.

"Hey, sorry about that" I comment, looking through my small bag of treats. "I got loads of stuff we can share," I look up to see Chris holding Alan's empty cage. Wait, Chris, where's Alan?" Have I lost him? I look around, my eyes landing on Dan's head. 

"He looked lonely!" Dan says. "So of course, Chris had to take him out."

"It was PJ's idea!" Chris defends himself.

"Only because he started attacking the cage when he woke up and saw Dan," PJ shoots back, "and besides, he knows Dan the best, he's been in Phil's bed- I mean, room all summer!" The compartment grows completely silent as PJ slowly finishes his sentence. Dan looks away from me. Chris raises his eyebrows at PJ, silently telling him to shut up. I stand uncomfortably by the door, not wanting to move "Er, sorry, that's not what I meant. I mean, we're 15! That's- that's," he coughs "that's totally weird and gross, I just meant that your bed is really soft and your duvet and fuzzy blankets and stuff it's, uh, nice to sit on."

"Yeah, like those bean bags Dan has in his basement!" Chris coughs, averting his eyes to PJ's face. I feel strange standing up.

"Those beanbags are just the best beanbags ever, right?" I say, taking Alan from Dan's head. His face falls. "Oh, sorry. Did you, er, want to have Alan?"

"No, that's okay," he says, finally looking into my eyes again. "I've got Cheri, and she'll be jealous, you know?" he smiles, letting me know that nothing's wrong. I raise my eyebrows, using my expressions to ask if he's okay. He communicates back with a nod and a smirk to the side. God, that's hot. 

Wait...

Nevermind. 

"So what did you guys end up getting?" I change the subject, looking at their haul. 

"Oh, loads of stuff!" Chris says, starting to lay out his sweets on his lap. I sit down back in my seat across from Dan wink at him. Wait, what did I just do? Oh, crap. Did PJ and Chris see that? I glance over at them, trading chocolate frog cards. Okay, good. Sighing, I usher Alan back into his cage. 

"I've got a bunch of peppermint twists!" I exclaim, spreading out the magical sweets.

"Could you pass me a Cauldron Cake?"

"No, you did not buy Acid Pops!"

"What flavour is that?"

"No, I hate cheese!"

"Oh, I want one, save some for me."

"Don't eat all the Fizzing Whizzbees!"

We rotate seats and move around to get the maximum amount of candy possible. Laughter fills the space around us as Bertie Bott's are shared, Acid Pops burning temporary holes in our tongues, and chocolate frogs hidden on the roof. Full and exhausted from waking up so early, I fall asleep with my feet on Dan's lap, happy to be back.

*

"Philly," Dan shakes my foot. "Time to wake up, time to wake up! Come on," I yawn and blink, looking around at my surroundings. PJ and Chris were gone, leaving wrappers all over their seats.

"We can't be there yet," I calculate.

"Oh, no we aren't," Dan assures me.

"So why'd you wake me up?"

"No reason, I was bored," he grins.

"I hate you!" I throw my coat at him. He giggles and puts his hands in front of his face.

"Don't hurt me! I'm your best friend!"

"That just gives me more right to tickle you!" I sit up and stretch my arm to Dan's stomach, "tickle attack!"

He screams and giggles. "Oh, you are in for it," he reaches to taze my sides.

"No! I'm going to sit on you," I threaten him and jump away.

"Oh no you're not!" he squirms away from me.

"Yes, yes I am!" Dan giggles and I bounce over to sit on his stomach. "What a nice, comfortable seat!"

"Oh, god," he sighs heavily. "Phil, you weigh as much as a fucking mountain troll!"

"What's that," I mock him, "do I hear something?"

"Oh shit, Philly." I ignore him and start humming. "Alright. Well, I guess this could be worse, Phil could be TICKLED TO DEATH!" Dan launches me on to the floor and tickles my stomach.

"Dan... oh my god.. stop," I say between laughs and totally out of breath. 

"Alright, alright. But only because I'm tired," he leans back in a seat and smirks. "Doesn't mean I'm not going to find you later."

"What are you going to do, sneak into the Hufflepuff dorm room and attack me in my sleep?" I brush off my jeans and get up to sit opposite him.

"Yeah, I'll just sneak in and destroy you," he agrees sarcastically.

"Better yet, you can meet me in the common room and we can battle it out!"

"See you at midnight, I suppose?"

"Of course, I'll prepare for then."

"I'll just wait in those super comfy chairs by the fire and turn around like a horror film," Dan references the time he snuck into the Hufflepuff common room last year. 

************************************************************************************************************************************************************  
It had been the worst day of our lives. Dan had a panic attack in the middle of History of Magic, something he had called an "Existential Crisis." I couldn't get him to calm down while passing notes to him, so I held his hand and lead him out of class. Professor Binns didn't even notice and kept droning on. We didn't know where to go, since common rooms would all be full, and bathrooms are always uncomfortable. I led him to the Room of Requirement, which appeared as a warm place, with pillows and blankets everywhere. We sat with sweets and hot chocolate, and I listened to Dan cry. His cries are the opposite of his laugh; painful and quiet. He sobbed about being stupid and never being enough. He had said he didn't know what he was doing with his life. I sat and rubbed his back, feeling helpless. I remember eventually falling asleep, and I woke up to Dan's tear-stained face planted into a pillow and passed out on a couch across the room. I shook him to try to get him to wake up. When I flipped him over, I saw a razor in his left hand and deep crimson gashes with blood bubbling out on his right wrist. I remember all the colour draining out of my face, thinking that he was gone. Even though I know he would hate me for it, I ran to Madam Pomfrey. I told her it had happened during a Care of Magical Creatures lesson. I had to talk this through with Dan before running to tell anyone what had really happened. That night, I sat in front the small fire, comforted by the house plants surrounding me, especially the small cactus, just like my favourite one at home. I was the only one awake at midnight, and I refused to let the house elves keep the fire going just for me, so I put logs in every once and a while for myself. I couldn't sleep, as the image of Dan, pale and alone on the couch wouldn't get out of my head. I needed to know how he was doing. I had stood up to go to the hospital wing when Dan himself showed up covered in vinegar. I ran up and embraced him, never letting him go. That night we sat together on the couch and our cries turned into laughter.  
************************************************************************************************************************************************************

"Phil, are you listening? Philly?" Dan waved his hands in front of my eyes.

"What? Oh, yeah," he brought me out of my memories. I blinked twice, clearing the awful sinking feeling out of my stomach. "Yeah, totally. See you at midnight, Hufflepuff common room."

"I said I was just kidding," he laughed. "I like to sleep."

"Oh yeah, me too," I nodded. Of course, it's totally unrealistic he would actually show up. So why am I disappointed? Whatever. "Where are PJ and Chris anyway?"

"They went to say hi to Louise. She's a prefect now, as you know, so she has to sit with the rest of them. But she says she's not feeling well so they went to visit."

"I guess we kind of have to, now that they did, don't we," I'm not really motivated to go, but I guess it's the nice thing?

"I mean, maybe?" Dan looks just as inclined to get up and move as I do. "I don't know if I..."

"I know how you feel, I'm too tired."

"We'll see her at the feast!" Dan waves it off. "I feel like a bad friend," he giggles.

"Don't, you--" 

"That's him, that's him!" an Irish girl with mocha coloured skin declares to a purple-haired friend. The Irish girl's freckles stand out on her warm skin. She's tiny and has dimples, just like Dan.

"Who's that?"

"Keelan," he smiles. "I met her at the barrier. Her parents weren't with her." I suddenly feel so bad for Keelan. I stand up and open the glass door.

"Do you want to come in?" I offer her and her friend. Kneeling down, I introduce myself. "I'm Phil, Dan's friend. Who are you?"

"I'm Keelan," she answers me with an enchanting accent.

"My name's Landry," the purple haired girl says with a French flourish. "I just moved to London a week ago with my family."

"We just met right now," says Keelan, and Landry high-fives her. I ship it.

"Aw, that's so nice!" I tell them. "Come in!" The two eleven year-olds step in and Dan gets up to hug Keelan. 

"How's it going?" he asks. My heart pounds a little harder as he pats her head. Okay, it's hard not to find that adorable. "Hi Landry, are you enjoying London so far? How about Hogwarts, are you excited to go?" Dan talks to the girls for a while about Hogwarts and the sorting system. Landry's mum went to Beauxbaton's and her dad was a Ravenclaw, apparently. I also found out that Landry's mum died her hair for her in her muggle hair salon. It also turns out that Landry likes to talk a lot and Keelan finishes her sentences. 

'Remind you of anyone?' my brain asks. 'A child with died hair and wizarding parents likes to talk a lot, while their smaller companion finishes their sentences?' Oh shut up, I tell myself. 'But you ship them!' my brain interjects. If I could I would slap my brain. Just then, an announcement rings through the train.

"We will soon be arriving at Hogwarts, please be ready in 20 minutes."

Oh crap, I've got to get my robes on! Keelan and Landry depart to get their beginners robes as PJ and Chris come back in. 

"That was a hell of a ride," Dan whispers in my ear while I take off my Sonic shirt. Fuck, that was sexy. 

Wait, no, Phil. Stop it. No swearing and no more thinking about Dan in that way. Okay?

This year is going to be one hell of a year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey sorry it's been literally forever guys. I've had loads of stuff to do since finals is coming up the week of the 19th and I haven't been so well. But I will try to update more soon because I have loads of ideas!
> 
> I got some information of the Hufflepuff common room on Pottermore, which you guys can check out here https://www.pottermore.com/writing-by-jk-rowling/hufflepuff-common-room. I used this to describe how Dan gets in to the room. Basically, to quote the site, "the Hufflepuff common room is entered from the same corridor as the Hogwarts kitchens. Proceeding past the large still life that forms the entrance to the latter, a pile of large barrels is to be found stacked in a shadowy stone recess on the right-hand side of the corridor. The barrel two from the bottom, middle of the second row, will open if tapped in the rhythm of 'Helga Hufflepuff'. As a security device to repel non-Hufflepuffs, tapping on the wrong barrel, or tapping the incorrect number of times, results in one of the other lids bursting off and drenching the interloper in vinegar."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Phil have arrived at Hogwarts. Someone has a huge crush!

DAN  
The scarlet engine squealed to a stop coming into the station. The towers were just visible over the tops of the trees. Thestrals snorted and pawed at the ground. No, they are not a foreign concept to my generation, as our childhood had been taken by the war. I was just five when the Second Wizarding War was declared. We had all seen too many deaths for our age.

In 1998, my friends and I were seven when the Battle of Hogwarts took place. Friends, siblings, and family members were lost. Some right in our own homes. It's not something any of us ask each other about, but over the years, we've created a traditional moment of silence when the train arrives. It's peaceful and calm as we all remember the smiles that were put out.

I glance out the window and see hundreds of thestrals lined up. Phil's warm hand slips into mine as the train goes silent. The energy shifts as each compartment stands respectfully. I look over at Phil, his eyes brimming with tears. I smile, knowing he lost his grandmother that day. Wiping away his tears with my thumb, I put my arm around him. He puts his beautiful head on my shoulder. God, I wish it could be like this all the time.

Wait, shit. I look over at PJ and Chris, mourning in a corner, not looking at us. Thank god.

"First years!" A familiar voice ends the silence. The best voice to end an era of wars and mourning, and begin a new age of us. Professor Neville Longbottom, or as we call him, Professor Neville, with Hagrid, our glorious caretaker, by his side. "First years follow me!" The energy again shifts and we walk out of the train, talking excitedly about the feast.

"I feel like we just had all those sweets," PJ points out.

"Oh, that's alright, no one has to know!" Chris shoots back.

"It's true!" I say, trying to lift my hand, but realizing my fingers are still intertwined with Phil's flexible ones. He realizes in the same moment I do and blushes, quickly letting go. For some reason I'm... disappointed? That's unreasonable, I can't be. No, not true. I'm not disappointed. Come on, Dan, time to wake up, back to reality! "How about this one?" I point to a carriage with a thestral grandly waiting to pull it. We hop in and begin to ride. The familiar sights return: the lake littered with first years, heads greeting each other, and black robes swishing.

"Ready?" Phil asks me.

"Of course," and my home away from home comes into view. I lean my head on his shoulder. I am so ready.

*

"Good evening!" Professor McGonagall taps her fork against her goblet, silencing the Great Hall. We all sit together at random tables. "Welcome back, old friends, and hello to new faces," she gives us a thin smile we've come to love.

"I thought she said she was retiring," Chris whispers.

"She said that the year before, too," I comment.

"And every year before that," Phil chimes in next to me.

"Face it, she's not retiring. Ever," PJ admits the truth of the situation. "Death is probably afraid of her."

"True. Death comes knocking and ends up running away," I raise my eyebrows.

"I think it's the death glare," Phil imitates her. I giggle into my hand.

"Death, you didn't do your homework!" I poke Phil.

"Let the Sorting Ceremony begin!" McGonagall steps back with a proud grin on her face. I sigh dramatically and give Phil a small smile, knowing this will take a while and we'll be separated back by houses. "Please sit at your original house tables during the Ceremony to welcome your fellow students, and then you may join your companions during the feast."

"Bye, guys," I walk over to the Slytherin table by myself. We all greet each other after a long summer. It's funny how kind everyone is, when everyone used to automatically assume Slytherins were the rude and mean ones. Luckily, no one actually believes in that anymore, I think. It's actually in school rules, "inter-house discrimination due to stereotypes or past house history is prohibited" or something articulate like that. It's basically a rule aimed at us. Our head boy and head girl shake hands and we all sit down, watching the first years with fear on their faces. I look up to the front of the room when a waving Phil two tables over. I put my head in my hands and laugh silently. 

"You little shit," I whisper, smiling at his shaking fringe. The Sorting Hat sits up on the stool in front of the High Table. It seems to clear its throat and we all turn to face it as it begins its song. 

"Oh, joyful laughter returns  
to the place of smiles,  
of friends,  
and of knowledge..."

I am not in the mood. Phil catches my eyes again. Being best friends, we can talk without any sounds even coming out of our mouths. 

_This is lovely_ , I mouth, commenting on the old voice wheezing through a rhymed matrix of words. 

_I like it!_ Phil crosses his arms, defending the hat. I laugh softly. 

_Come on_ , I swat the air and contort my eyebrows.

 _I do!_ he nods his head vigoursly. 

_Literally, I could write better songs_ , I mouth. 

_Like "the first year anthem"?_ Phil references the time in first year when I wrote the lyrics and tune to a song in his journal about the life of First years, calling it "the First Year Anthem." Let's be honest, it was pretty shit. 

_I was in the first year!_

Phil raises his eyebrows. 

_I was eleven!_

He sticks his tongue out and starts mocking the lyrics. _Yeah we are first years!_ he moves his arms like an opera singer. 

I flip him off. 

Phil smiles innocently and I give him a hand heart, receiving one in return from him. My little sunshine. Sudden applause breaks our eye contact as the hat finishes up. 

 

"Thank you. Now. First," Professor McGonagall rolls out a scroll, "Malkin Abbott," a tall girl with extravagant make up walks up to the rickety stool from every sorting. The Sorting Hat sits on her head and considers his options. I remember being terrified to get sorted, but these first years cheer on Malkin as she is sorted into Gryffindor. PJ and his friends welcome her over. “Nick Amico” and “Mariana Avila” are sorted into Hufflepuff while “Connor Angus” comes into Slytherin with a muggle baseball cap covering his blonde hair. He waves at all of us, so excited to be here. Connor Angus reminds me of little Phil. 

But Phil was cuter. He still is honestly. 

_Hey, Dan--_

What? I ask myself. He's cute, I can admit that. But as friends, not anything more. It has to stop there. I promise. 

_Dan, have you ever thought you're--_

Shut up.

_Daniel--_

No!

_Daniel James Howell, you are most definitely g--_

No it is not possible! I like girls. Girls. Not guys, just girls. Girls are pretty and nice and have black shiny hair and soft pale skin and a good sense of humour and play video games with you and are nerdy and have a sweet laugh and love animals and girls are not Phil Lester! 

Why can't I stop?

Phil is not my whole life! Phil is Phil and I am Dan. We aren't one person. And even if that was a possibility, which obviously it isn't, he's too good for me. 

Phil Lester is too good for me. But girls... girls are great. I'm just having trouble differentiating my best friend from my boyfriend. I mean not necessarily like my boyfriend, because I don't have one obviously, but that's all! I'm just confused a bit. Phil's just my friend. Nothing else. 

Nothing else because I can't hurt him. 

He's straight anyway. 

A burning sensation comes from the bottom of my eyes and brims over into wet tears. My vision becomes out of focus and lights dance as I look up to drain the tears away. He's straight, Dan. It's going to--

"Phil..." wait what? "Barrian." oh. Professor McGonagall places the hat on a boy with rosy cheeks. So, not Phil. Well, my Phil. 

We move on to to Grace Beaudet, a Gryffindor, Marcus Berganny, a Ravenclaw, Quinn Birten, a Hufflepuff, blah, blah, blah the list literally goes on forever. How many more students are there until I can sit with Phil--I mean, eat the feast? Loads of students come over to our table excitedly, while the rest of us just sit here hungrily. 

“Landry D'Ercole,” Professor McGonagall reads, and Landry’s purple hair flips around as she bounces up the few steps. Eagerly, she sits on the stool and closes her eyes as the Sorting Hat asses her mind. It thinks for a while and then reveals Landry's house. 

"Gryffindor!" Landry jumps up and cheers. She winks at Keelan, who waves back. Almost unrealistically, Keelan bounds up right after her with a "Keelan DiDio," from Professor McGonagall. _Please let them be in the same house._ OTP? I think yes. 

"Gryffindor!" the hat shouts immediately after Keelan sits down. It's no surprise, honestly. With a loyalty stronger than ever to Landry, someone she just met, and bravery of a warrior at the platform, I know she is just right where she belongs. Keelan hugs Landry at their table. She sees me smiling at her and turns to face me. Keelan's face has the proudest expression I've ever seen since Phil made friends with a squirrel in second year. It attacked him later. 

*

"Well I'm stuffed!" PJ declares, his plate clean. 

"Finally!" I poke him. "I've been done for ages."

"The hall hasn't even started to clear out," he points out. 

"That's true."

"Do you guys want to head to the library before dorms or something?" Phil suggests. 

"Yeah, sounds good!" I agree quickly. PJ and Chris can do whatever they like, but I just like spending time with Phil before we have to sleep. It's sweet and relaxing in a way. Phil's calming voice is soothing enough to make any squirrel at peace. Just not the one that attacked him. 

"Ready, Peej?" we rise from the bench. "Or do you need me to grab a wheelbarrow and wingardium leviosa you out of here?" Chris whips his wand out. 

"I think I'll be fine. Honestly, a magic wheel barrow would just make me eject all the great food I got. I'd rather keep it in me," PJ admits, blatantly honest. 

"That's exactly what I like to here after eating my favourite meal of the year. Besides holidays, of course," my stomach churns. 

"I got you, Danny!" Phil swings his arm around my shoulders and messes with my fringe. "Let us journey to the library, where _no vomiting is allowed_ ," Phil giggles back at Chris and PJ. Together, we walk to the library with his arm keeping me warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow look at that, I'm getting back to writing! Sorry it's been a bit crazy so far with midterms and mental health going out the window. But I'm back! Hope you guys have enjoyed and I will talk to you soon.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil isn't straight, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, sorry I haven't posted in literally forever. I've been having a little bit of trouble with school. Yay mental illnesses. Anyway, I'm back for now. Enjoy! I thought I'd post in a late celebration for our little Philly's birthday!!

PHIL:

The four of us walk out of the Great Hall and make our way towards the library. The students from 1993 actually donated loads to the school and re-did the library. Now, it's massive, with so many different sections. There's a place for students of different houses to congregate in masses with drinks like Pumpkin and Orange Peach Mango juice. The coffee in the morning is incredible. Our favourite section is towards the back. It's more of a hidden place, with comfortable chairs by a blazing fire. It's hidden behind tall book shelves and plants. Most people never go back there, and that's where Dan and I actually met PJ and Chris. After our accident at flying lessons, Professor McGonagall led us to the nice section of the library and had us rest for a while. PJ and Chris ran in a half hour later, trying to escape a Cornish Pixie, which ended up flying into the flames. We ended up having a funeral because I started crying. Nice job, Philly.

"What about Louise?" Dan asks. 

"Oh, how could we forget about Louise?" Chris hits his forehead. Oh, no. Louise! I haven't actually had a chance to talk to her this whole night! Dan looks disappointed, and so am I. I've always thought Dan has pretended to have a crush on Louise. Of course, she's one of our best friends, so it's not like he doesn't have the right to miss her, it's just...

Well...

I've always thought Dan was gay. Always. Dad's best friend has an older son, Kenny Freeman who created an inclusive programme at Hogwarts for all students in the LGBT+ community struggling with themselves, and students that are happy with themselves as well. Professor Neville keeps the programme alive, as Kenny only created it for his Year 7 graduation project. Ever since I've met Dan, he's reminded me exactly of Kenny. I mean, Kenny has bright red hair and blue eyes, which I guess is the polar opposite of Dan. But their personalities are so similar. Kenny is very gay. And Dan is exactly the same as Kenny, but Dan has always talked about girls, and having a crush on Louise. I guess my gaydar isn't always accurate, of course, but I think it takes one to know one!

Wait.

Nevermind...

"She probably has to take the younger ones back to their classes," I find myself saying quickly. Why is it so important to me that I get time with Danny without a girl? Sometimes I really don't understand myself.

"Oh well," PJ adds. "Promise we'll meet her as soon as we can?" we all mutter and agree. "Breakfast tomorrow sounds good, doesn't it?" Sounds great, actually. I've missed Louise. As we walk along the corridors, to our favourite part of the castle, groups of older students pass us on the way, giggling.

"Wonder what they're talking about," Dan points to a group of girls. I raise my eyebrows. 

"And what do you suppose they could be talking about?" I face him, stopping in our tracks.

"Well that one right there, with the purple headband, she's saying 'Becky, why did you unfriend me on Facebook?'" Dan whispers in a high-pitched voice. "And then that girl with the short hair says, 'I don't know I'm sorry, Jessica,'" he continues in a more shy voice. "'Shut up, Becky!'" he mocks the high pitched voice again. Dan points to a girl with a cat bracelet, "Philippa's saying, 'Becky and Jessica, for goodness sakes, stop fighting for once!'" He flips his hands around and the girls start to notice Dan, rolling their eyes. I giggle, but they look as if they're about to come over to us.

"Wait, what do we do?" I hit Dan on the shoulder and try to snap him out of his Philippa persona. He notices the girls approaching.

"Oh shit, run," we laugh and run to catch up with PJ and Chris at the end of the corridor. 

"What was that about?" Chris asks. 

"Just don't talk to any girl you see. Ever. They will think that you're psychotic," Dan clarifies.

"You better show them your Jessie and Becca impressions, or whoever they were," I punch him in the arm.

"It's Jessica and Becky, come on, Phil. Get with the times," he sasses me in his Jessica voice.

*

We walk into the library and groups of older students crowd around the juice cauldrons, before the massive cuckoo clock tells them it's time to return to their dormitories. Without a word, we all turn the corner to walk to the back. All four of us know that each of us hates being around too many people. A group of Gryffindors lean against the book shelves. 

"Hullo, PJ," a tall boy with stylish and curled blonde hair salutes him. He has mysterious green and grey eyes which make him very attractive. I look over at Dan to see what he's thinking. A jealous pang rushes through me. He's supposed to be looking at me like that! _Shut up, Phil._

"Oh, hi, Triston," PJ grumbles and looks at us. He raises his eyebrows, telling of us that this guy is a massive jerk. Fantastic.

"And who are these mates of yours?" he walks towards Dan. I feel a protective urge to walk over him. Yes, Dan is tall, but not as tall as this guy. 

"Well, this is Chris, as you know," PJ walks over to where Dan is standing to become a protective shield. PJ's grown to his full height, unlike Dan and I, but he's still shorter than Triston. 

"I've never seen you with these guys," Triston gestures at us.

"Right, of course. This is Dan, and this is Phil," PJ nods at us nervously. 

"Dan, hi," Triston moves to shake his hand until he notices Dan's Slytherin emblem on his robes. "A Slytherin?" he backs up to the bookshelf and the other Gryffindors approach him. A boy with frizzy pink hair, a girl with ginger pigtails, and her twin with deep blue eyes come up to Dan. 

"How are you with a Gryffindor and two Hufflepuffs?" asks the first ginger twin. "Has he not killed you already?" she turns to me. "Or at cast a spell on you?"

"No," I swallow, trembling.

"Mate, he's probably put something over you so you'd be his friend. Obviously PJ and his friend don't want to be with him because they've got decent sense," Triston looks at me.

"What are you on about?" I ask him.

"It's so pathetic. _He's_ pathetic. A waste of time. You know you'll regret it later." 

"No! That's impossible. Dan is my best friend. Of course he wouldn't--" I stand up for him, but get cut off by the guy with frizzy pink hair.

"Jesus, he's a Slytherin. He's not going to be honest, he just took advantage of the fact that you're a naive Hufflepuff," the boy rolls his eyes. I'm not naive! We need to leave, now. 

"Look, Phil- that is your name, right?" Triston asks. I nod, and try to push Dan to leave. 

"Yes, but--"

"Phil," he cuts me off. "Philly--"

"Don't call me that!" That's Dan's name for me alone. I start to leave again, but Triston pulls on my arm.

"Fine, Phil. But hear me out, we're just trying to help you, Slytherin can't really be trusted. The good houses have to help each other out, you know?" 

"No, I don't know!"

"You're dead, then," the second twin laughs. 

"You're wrong. You're wrong!" I run out of the library and Dan escapes my grip. "Dan, wait!" he runs farther down the corridor. "Danny, come on, wait up!" Please, Dan talk to me. "DAN, WAIT!" I yell after him as he turns the corner. I collapse on the ground. I can't run after him. He's too fast. 

"Phil!" Chris grabs my arm and helps PJ pull me up. 

"What was that? What just happened? Why did that guy say that Dan was evil? And why did he think that Dan cursed me?" I fall down against the wall again. "Why did he do that?" I let out a wail and collapse against the ground with hot tears falling down my cheeks. “You’ve got to go after him, please. He might do something--”

“Phil, calm down,” PJ crouches down to be on my level, “it’s going to be okay. We can talk to Dan later. We can ask another Slytherin to find him. He has friends in Slytherin right?”

“Yes, but I’ve got to go down there! I’ve got to talk to him, we don’t even know where he went!”

“Phil, it’s okay,” Chris tells me.

"No it's not okay!" I push them away. I stand up and pace the section of the corridor, head in my hands. "He might get hurt, something might happen!" I look at their faces. "You're just standing there! You're not doing anything at all, and Dan could be in trouble!" I throw my hands out in frustration. "Am I the only one that cares?" PJ and Chris glance at each other like they don't know what to do. "Oh, god, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry guys. I didn't mean to yell at you," I lean against the wall. What is going on with me? I'm just so scared Dan will do something. Something like what happened last year. What if he has another existential crisis?

"It's okay Phil. Don't worry about it."

"We completely understand."

"Let's go back to the library," PJ suggests. 

"Without Dan?" It'll be odd going to our place without Dan.

"Without Dan," says PJ. "I'm sorry, Phil."

"We can go in the back way so we don't have to deal with those dick heads again," Chris pulls me into a hug and PJ leads the group of us to the small, curtain covered door near out favourite spot. I hit myself on the head, knowing we could have avoided this altogether if we had just gone a different route. _Stupid Philly._

*

I wipe the tears from the pags starting to form under my eyes. It's almost time to go back to the dormitories and we still have not seen Dan. I'm terrified, and so are Chris and PJ. PJ tells us that Triston is in our year here. He thinks that Slytherins are the worst house. Triston and his friends aren't terribly popular, but they're powerful.

"The one with the pink hair? His name is Scott Pearson. He's a really nice kid when he's not around Triston, so I'm convinced Triston's got some sort of threat over him. The two twins are Ella and Eliza Nathtanson. They're only slightly terrifying when they have the same hairstyle and uniform."

"Like the twins from _The Shining_?" Chris laughs. He looks over at me. "Sorry," he apologizes for being happy while I sit, wrapped in blankets.

"No, don't apologize! Please, it's okay to have a good time. I loved _The Shining_! It was terrifying," I contribute. 

"Phil, as much as I love to talk about films that are completely terrifying, there's something else on your mind, I know it," PJ looks into my eyes. "Is this about your thing?"

My thing. Yes, it's the secret I have only told two people in this entire world. Not even my best friend. 

"Oh, Phil, it's going to be okay. You should tell Dan, he wouldn't mind, of course," Chris tells me.

"Of course he wouldn't mind, but how the bloody hell am I supposed to tell him? 'Hi, Dan, just wanted to tell you something I've known ever since I was young and I've never told you anything about it!' or even better 'hey, Dan, have you ever considered that I might be a really great actor because of how much I've hidden from you?' No, that'll just devastate him! Imagine him finding out that I've kept secrets from him for so long. I can't have him knowing that I'm... well... I don't don't want him to know that I... I just don't want him to know my secret!"

"Phil, it's okay," PJ reaches across the seat and pats my arm, "you can say it."

"Fine! Fine. I will say it! I will say that I've liked boys since forever, and I've always had a crush on Dan that I hate thinking about it. I like boys!" I blurt out.

"So..." Chris prompts me.

"So I'm gay!" I cover my mouth.

The room goes silent. PJ stands up to hug me and Chris attacks me. 

"I knew you could do it, Phil! I'm so proud," PJ says.

"Why did I have so much trouble with that? It's so easy!" I laugh. "I feel so much better."

"I bet," Chris smirks. 

"And you almost gave me on the train," I accuse my friends. "I didn't forget about that!"

"Fine, we're sorry," Chris giggles. 

"We have a bet, going and I really didn't mean to," PJ explains. "But the real question is, what are you going to do about Dan? We all know he's gay," PJ states the obvious.

"Shhh," I shush him. "Okay, I'm fine about anyone hearing something about me, but if Dan doesn't want to say anything yet..."

"Got it," PJ says.

"PJ, Chris, Phil!" an enthusiastic voice shouts. Louise! She can't see me like this. As much as I want to see her, I need time to think. PJ motions to me to get down, so I pretend to sleep. 

"Don't you think he'll be more comfortable if he can get that off his chest?" he whispers to me.

"I'm afraid he doesn't even know," I tell him. Louise gets closer, and PJ leaves to hug her, informing her that I'm asleep.

Chris leans in and whispers, "and if he does, he's having a harder time accepting it than you were, Phil," he leaves to go with PJ after patting me on the head. 

He's right. I had such a difficult fact accepting myself for who I am. I'd known I like guys since I made friends in primary school with a boy that I played house with. Braxton was his name, and he constantly wore flannels from his older sister. He had small, brown eyes, and long curly hair. Growing up, we were always good friends. I'm pretty sure we knew each other was gay before we knew what being gay was. Braxton came out to me first when we were eleven. We had both known it since we were little, so why not? His mom made us a cake with rainbow frosting, just because she knew how much eleven year olds loved to eat cake. I felt like I should have come out to him at the same time, but for some reason, I never did. Braxton is a muggle, so we had to part our ways when I went to Hogwarts. We still write letters to each other every so often. In first year, I asked him about Dan:

_Dear Braxton,_  
_Hope you're doing well. I have a question. What does it mean if I find a boy attractive? I met this boy and his name is Dan. He's so nice and pretty and I really like him. Does that mean I'm gay like you?_  
_I miss you a lot,_  
_Phil_

Braxton wrote back, saying:

_Dear Phil,_  
_I'm doing great. I think you're gay._  
_Lots of love,_  
_Braxton_

Thanks, Braxton. But ever since then, I became confused and I found it hard to admit that I was gay. Liking boys isn't bad, is it? I guess I had just hesitated since I had no idea what any reaction would be like. I'd heard people tell Braxton that he was too young to know anything about himself, so I decided to wait. I put the argument away until fourth year. I didn't date any girls, and neither did Dan. In fourth year, Braxton wrote me saying he'd gotten a boyfriend:

_Dear Phil,_  
_Guess what? I've got a boyfriend! His name is Corbin Sullivan. He is so handsome. I can introduce him to you when you come home over break. He's got red hair like you do, but his looks better. Just kidding, I love you. Corbin really wants to meet you. He thinks you sound super nice, and we can have like a gathering for gay video game addicts. I heard your "friend" (wink wink) Dan has been teaching you new skills. See you over winter break?_  
_Lots of love,_  
_Braxton_

I was nervous about Corbin. What if I wasn't actually gay? But I got to Braxton's house and almost got jealous. We had such a good time being gay video gamers. The only place I would have rather been at that moment was next to Dan to tell him that I had a crush on him. I told PJ and Chris what I was thinking of doing. But then Dan had his existential crisis, which changed everything. I didn't want to bother him with my stupid crush. When he was crying next to me, he questioned what he would be doing for the rest of his life. I realized I didn't want him to be next to me his whole life, he deserved better. I spent the rest of the year pretending I was straight around everyone except Corbin and Braxton. The acting caught on, and every time I planned to tell Dan what I thought, I chickened out. I still had chickened out, even on saying the word "gay." Until today.

Today changed everything.

The clock bell rang to tell us to get back to our dormitories. I sulked back to our plant filled room, internally hoping Dan would be there. I needed to see him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, I think I'll be writing more tonight since this is getting intense! Love you guys!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR TW: depresion, self harm, etc.  
> Dan finds his friends in the Slytherin common room and realises something important.

DAN

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god," tears pour down my face. I choke on my words and fall into the wall. My chest heaves up and down from running too quickly and my legs give out. I sob stupidly. “Get a hold of yourself, Dan. Get a hold of yourself!” I run my hands through my hair as Triston and his friends’ shouts echo through the hall. Oh, shit. What if Phil, PJ, and Chris come to find me? I can’t be here, wherever ‘here’ is. It looks like I’m in the lessons hallway. Older students might be here to pick up work for their advanced classes. I've got to go somewhere. I can't let someone see me like this. A Slytherin crying? How stupid does that sound? I stand up, using the wall to support my shaking body. Where do I go? This castle is massive, there’s got to be somewhere I can hide. It can’t be the room of requirement. If my friends even try to look for me that’s where they’ll go right away, and I can't cry in front of them, especially not Philly. He would think I’m lame, and that I get hurt too easily. 

_Why do you care so much about what he thinks, anyway?_ I put my head in my hands and lean my back on the wall. Pull yourself together, Dan. I rub my face to wipe away my tears as more keep pouring down. I can’t deal with these stupid thoughts right now. Come on, you can do it. Almost there, I tell myself.

"You're just standing there! You're not doing anything at all, and Dan could be in trouble!" Phil shouts in the distance, his voice growing louder and closer before he PJ and Chris audibly restrain him.

 _Fuck!_ I sprint a little farther down the hall and slam the door to the bathroom open. I lock myself in a stall, after rapidly confirming no one else is in here. I gulp for air, swallowing my tears.

“Hello, students,” McGonagall makes an announcement through a magical PA system. “It is now 10:00, and we request that all third and fourth years please make their way to their dormitories. Curfew is at 10:15 for all younger students, while older students may proceed to their respective common rooms for curfew in a half hour.”

“Thank god,” I whisper, realising less people will be out and about. Phil and I usually hide in the library until 11:00, because the staff is very flexible with curfew time. Besides everyone knows and loves Phil and I…  
Well, really just Phil. 

_Honestly, listen to yourself, you’re so stupid thinking that everyone knows and loves you. It’s just Phil because you’re a stupid fucking Slytherin._

“Fuck, fuck. Oh my god,” I hit the stall door, suddenly feeling very contained. “Get me out of here!” I hit the door again and remember that I have to actually unlock it instead of just getting mad at it. I burst out, feeling claustrophobic and search my pockets. Fuck, do I have nothing sharp. I look desperately around the bathroom and my eye catches on my teary reflection in the mirror. “I’m a mess! I’m a fucking mess.” Suddenly, I hear steps outside the bathroom door. Oh, shit! I lock myself in the stall again, this time, determined to remain hidden from the stranger walking in. The heavy door squeaks and opens up, the person sniffling as they walk in. 

“Hello? Is there anyone in here?” a familiar voice asks. It’s Phil.

There is nothing I want to do more than run out of the again locked stall and hug my Philly. But I can’t let him see my cry, so I remain silent, and use all my magical training to use a cloaking spell on my feet. I collapse, exhausted against the stall. I see Phil’s dress shoes pace the rows of stalls.

“Okay, guess not,” he turns the faucet on and lets water splash over his face. I hear his hands plonk down on the sides of the porcelain sink. “Okay, Phil. Okay Philly,” he breaths, and I can picture him staring at his reflection in the mirror. “Dan, I’ve got to tell you something? Agh, no, that can’t be a good way to start this, he’ll get nervous. Alright, well,” Phil starts to pace again, “hey Dan, can I talk to… no not good, either. Oh, I’m just going to mess everything up! It’s going to be okay, it’s all going to be okay,” he tells himself.

“You can do this,” I silently chant. It feels slightly wrong to be eavesdropping, but I can’t seem to move my feet.

“Okay, I’ve got this,” I hear Phil’s footsteps stop, and he plants himself in front of a mirror, right in front of my stall. “Dan, there’s something I need to tell you. I’ve wanted to tell you this for a long time, but I guess I didn’t know how? Oh, no, that’s too cliché. Fine. Dan, I’m… I’m gay.”

I gasp and my hands rush up to cover my mouth. I knew it! We’ve had various late night conversations in which we couldn’t help but be suspicious of each other. I’m so proud of him. I don’t think either of us has ever put the words “I’m” and “gay” together, but subconsciously, we knew it would happen one day.

“That’s good. Short and sweet! I’ll find him. Tonight, I swear, I’ll find him later tonight,” I can see Phil adjust his robes and smile at his reflection through the crack in the doorway. 

So now it’s my turn, right?  
*  
I shuffle into the Slytherin common room and five heads turn to look up at me. 

“Dan!” Aaron Whelan exclaims.

“Hey, how’s it going man?” Jerrod Bagley calls.

“We were starting to wonder where you were,” says Audra Vaughn.

“It’s so late, over an hour past the curfew,” Kian Scully remarks.

My friends get up and hug me. 

“Oh, yeah, I’m fine!” I plaster a smile on my face. “Sorry, I just got a bit caught up with friends…” and my thoughts. 

“Cool,” Aaron replies, and the others nod along. Aaron looks at me inquisitively, his black eyes shining. “What’s going on in that funny brain of yours, Daniel?” he jokes. 

“Nothing much, I’m just…” what’s the word? Done with life? Confused? “exhausted. You know? Long journey!” I laugh awkwardly. 

“Not to worry, Dan, we all understand,” Jerrod pipes up with a thick Lithuanian accent.

“Thanks guys. Well,” I clap my hands together and breath in after a long moment of silence, “better get off to bed, since curfew and all. I’ll see you guys later!” I wave to the remaining fifth year girls, white-blonde haired Kian, mysterious Aislinn Hannigan, and the rich Audra. Jerrod and Aaron get up as well, waving goodnight to the girls. 

“Would it be weird,” Aaron leans over and asks, “if I told you a secret?”

“Umm, no? I mean, that’s fine, of course!” I respond. What other way is there to respond to a question like that? 

Aaron laughs out loud. “Just trying to catch you off guard, you know, lighten the mood. You seem upset, Dan.” For someone so stereotypically Slytherin, with black hair, black eyes, and well-off parents, Aaron is the opposite of what one would expect to be a dark and brooding Slytherin. Maybe he’s put a spell over us, like a typical Slytherin, I remember Triston’s words. But how could that be possible? He’s so kind, there’s no way it could be faked. “But I do have to tell you something. Once we get inside and into our pajamas.” Aaron holds the door for me and I duck into the fifth year boys’ dormitory. What the hell would he want to tell me?

*

“So,” Aaron meets me under my ancient four poster. “we’ve unfortunately got to whisper because the rest of them are asleep.”

“It’s fine. What did you want to say?” I'm confused and nervous. 

Aaron takes a deep breath, “well, I was in the library earlier--”

“Oh shit, you were?” I interrupt him. 

“Don't worry man,” he pats my shoulder. “I was looking for you because I wanted to make sure you were okay. You were distracted at the feast and I figured you didn't see me when I waved to you and that's why you didn't come over and…” my hands fly to my mouth. 

“I am so sorry. I never meant to--”

“Shh, Dan it's okay. I understand! It's not like we don't have the whole year ahead of us or anything,” Aaron giggles at his own jest. “But anyways, I went to see if you were in the library, and I heard your voice and Phil’s voice and some other guy, too," he swallows. “He sounded like a real fucking jerk, to be honest. I wouldn't have eavesdropped, I swear! I just was concerned, you know? So I hope you aren’t upset or anything because I wouldn't want to--”

“Aaron. I'm not upset at all. How could I be? It's so kind of you to pay attention to shit like this."

“Well that’s good! You know how I loathe getting in trouble,” he smirks. “So I heard what that guy said,” Aaron's face becomes serious again. “but Dan you can not believe a single word he said. It's not true! Not all Slytherins are evil and put spells on their naive friends.”

“Thanks, man, but I don't want to talk about it right now honestly. I think I just need some time to think it out in my head, and sleep on it,” I put my head in my hands and toss around my hair. 

“But you can't believe it, man!” Aaron puts his hands up in defense. 

“I don't! Really, trust me, Aaron. I just need to talk it over with Phil, make sure he knows I'm innocent.”

“Dan, he knows alright. Phil trusts you to the end of the world.” 

“I guess I just want his opinion,” I shrug. 

“Then go ask him!” Aaron rises from the creaking bed and offers me his hand. 

“Not now!” I whisper harshly. 

“Why not?” he winks. 

“Because we're not going to sneak out past the stupid curfew!” I pull Aaron back down to sit. The bed groans in complaint. 

“Fine. _You_ can sneak out past the stupid curfew,” Aaron pulls me up. 

“No!” I defiantly sit down. 

“Okay then. We need to talk about one more thing, because I know for a fact that you have no problem being out after curfew.” Aaron sighs, preparing words that he's meant to say for a while. “Dan. You want to see Phil. But something is not letting you. It's not me, it's not curfew, because, like I said, you don't give a shit about that. It's not anyone else, but yourself. Stop restraining yourself from seeing your best friend!”

“But,” I mull over the words, “what if,” I chew on my tongue and pick the exact phrase I need, “what if Phil is not my best friend?” 

“He’s not your best friend… because you think more of him?” Aaron cautiously asks. 

“Well, I, yes! I like talking to him. Phil is kind and sweet and wonderful. Aaron, he's handsome, too. There's no words to describe him, he's just a fluffy hug!” I wrap my arms around myself, then drop them. “But if I like Phil, that means I'm…” I pause. 

“It means…?” Aaron waits for me. 

“It means I like other boys, so that would mean I'm gay,” the words tumble out of my mouth, like they've been in the back of my mind since forever. 

“Well, Dan, it doesn't necessarily mean you're gay,” Aaron processes my words slowly, although I can secretly tell he’s proud. “For example, you Kian's pan, so that could be something for you, or bisexuality maybe? Or you could be any of these things and ace like me. The sky's the limit, mate.” 

“Right, I understand there's a million different sexualities, and don't get me wrong, I one hundred percent respect all them, but I think I'm just gay. All I've ever looked at are guys, no matter how hard I try to focus on girls and have crushes on them. It's more of a sisterly love I feel for them, and it's never been romantic.” I hear Aaron giggle and I lift my head. “What?” he keeps giggling. “What, Aaron?”

“You admitted it! You finally said it!” I play back my philosophical speech in my head. Without realising it, I came out for the first time. 

“Oh my god!” I stand up. “I did it!”

“Jerrod, wake up,” Aaron runs over to Jerrod’s four poster and shakes his shoulders. “Jerrod, Dan’s gay!”

“I know, mate, I know,” Jerrod responds in his sleep, rolling away from Aaron. I laugh out loud and Aaron attacks me with hugs. 

“I don't think you understand how much restraining effort I made to not blurt it out at you every morning,” Aaron pats me on the back. 

“You knew?” we sit down on my creaking four poster again. 

“Dumbass, of course we knew!” he puts his arm around me. 

“What took me so long?” I run my eyes. "And why right now?"

“I think it's the adrenaline, mate. It's almost midnight and you just let it all out.” Midnight? That rings a bell. 

Phil! 

Oh my god, that's when I told Phil I would meet him. Jokingly, of course, but why not? No one will be awake and I know how to get into the Hufflepuff common room.

“Aaron, thanks for everything,” he starts to wave my comment away. “No really. It means so much. I haven’t been able to admit anything even to myself, so honestly it’s a miracle you were able to do this--”

“No Dan,” Aaron stops me, “you did this yourself. You are so brave,” I hug him and put start to put some decent clothes on. “Now go!” he pushes me away before I can sit down and thank him again. “Go tell your boyfriend you love him!”

I’m too excited to get mad at him.

Now, off to see Philly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry it's been so long. I took a long mental health break and now I'm back, hopefully for a long amount of time.  
> Thank you to everyone who has been reading so far. Hope you enjoyed!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone! I'm so sorry this is so late. I'm finally on summer break, so I will definitely be updating more often. love you guys!  
> ALSO, @Dantrash#1 I saw your comment on the last note I posted! I just deleted it, but just letting you know I saw your comment. thank you so much!

PHIL  
"One... two... three... four... five," I mutter, "five bricks in that row. And up, there's one... two... three... four... five... six," I point at each brick I count. "So that section has 30 bricks in total." I sit by the window in the year five boys' dorm. It's dark outside, with the moon and stars reflecting on the inky black lake. My friends breath steadily from their beds while lean my back against the window, cooled by the night air. Inside it's warm, but not too warm, and the plants thrive, seemingly breathing along with us. I revert my eyes to another section of brick on the wall to count, but give up, putting my pale face against the darker window, sighing loudly. The mahogany grandfather clock leaning on the wall by the door ticks as the second hand whizzes around the clock. 12:00, 12:05, 12:15, 12:17...

I stand up rapidly, running out of the room and down the twisty stairs to the common room. I need to distract myself some other way...

"Phil?" a voice speaks out from half darkness. I look up to see a figure reaching up to pull a shade over one of the circular windows.

"Oh, Noleen!" I jump, startled. Noleen's auburn hair stands out underneath the moonlight. "Hi! How are you?"

"I'm alright," she yawns and comes over to hug me. "I was just going up to bed. Couldn't sleep. You either?"

"Yeah, I guess it's just the excitement of being back, right?"

"I know what you mean, being my last year and all," Noleen looks away.

"Don't think of that yet!" I hug her again. "You'll make me cry too."

"I know Phil," she laughs gleefully, yawning again. "I haven't seen you all day," she taps my shoulder. 

"I know, I know. I meant to tell you that we're no longer the double red-headed duo," I stick out my bottom lip mockingly, running my hands through my newly dyed hair.

"I saw, man!" Noleen punches my arm, "but it looks great, so don't worry about it. Anyway, I'm going to head up. If you need anything, let me know," Noleen opens up the window covers she's closed. "Hope you can fall asleep. Don't want to be tired on the first day of school, right?" Noleen winks. 

"I won't be!" I high five her.

"Oh right, I forgot, you're nocturnal!" she calls to me from the stairs. "Have fun, kiddo," Noleen heads up the twisted stairs. I sink into an old and cushioned yellow chair. My favourite chair. On the small table beside, the small cactus in a red clay pot sits in its dark soil. I hear the door close behind her.

"You ready for this?" I whisper to it. I get up to close all the windows and turn off the lamp. My eyes adjust to the dark and see the plants around me start to glow, some with a blue light and some with green. Sitting back down on the chair, I pick up the small cactus. "Isn't this cool?" If I were at home, or if this were any other night, I would be asleep in two seconds. The bioluminescence of the plants has a calming effect on me. But not tonight. I run my hands through my fringe, concerned about Dan. Where could he have gone? I wish I could go talk to him to let him know that he's okay. He's probably in his common room and I could just go there! Yeah, I could go there and talk to him and tell him that Triston was wrong. He needs to know that he’s not a bad person. “He needs to know!” I tell the cactus urgently. “I need to get to the Slytherins.”  
But, where is the Slytherin common room? God, I know it's in the dungeons, but how do I get there? Besides, how would I get in?

I wouldn't. That’s not even realistic, Philly. But I need to find Dan! I have to tell him that Triston is wrong and he's not a waste of space and he's worth so much more than he knows. I don't want something to happen. I don't want a repeat of last year. I don't...

"I'm scared," I whisper to the cactus, picking up the small plant and wiping the tears off of my face. Its little stubs seem to wave encouragingly at me. I smile back at the cactus. It seems to understand me, giving me hope that I might be able to work this out. "I guess I could try the library." I put the cactus back on the table and center it, rising from the seat. "Thanks, Winston," I whisper, giving it an impromptu name. “Wish me luck.”  
The library. It's the least I can do. I've got to find Dan. I make my way over to the exit and look back at the room of glowing plants. "Let's do this." 

Opening the door, I crawl out, looking left and right for any teachers. I pull my wand out of my green sweatshirt pocket. "Lumos," I whisper and my wand lights up the corridor to make sure there are no teachers monitoring. Finding none, I whisper "nox" and my wand goes out. "Alright, library," I turn right and shuffle down the passageways of Hogwarts I've gotten to know thoroughly in the years I've been here. The outlines and shadows of familiar statues line the walls and I count them as I go by. "One, two, three on the left and one, two, three... four?" A fourth figure stands still beside a suit of armour. That's not usually there. Maybe they added a new one? "Hello?" I call out to the darkness, illuminating my wand quickly. 

"Phil?" that's the second time tonight I've heard a familiar voice call out my name from the darkness. I point my wand a the new figure. "Philly?"

"Danny!" I tackle him in a hug and he weakly puts his arms around me. The shoulder of my sweatshirt turns a darker colour green where his head sits. "Oh, Dan," I squeeze him harder. His arms tighten around me and he sobs quietly, burying his head into my chest. "Shhh, it's okay. It's okay Danny," I pat his curled hair. 

"Phil," his voice breaks, and he buries his head into my chest. Every thing feels right. This is how it should be, with his small head by my heart and his arms wrapped around me. Suddenly, Dan starts to shake his head back and forth.

"Are you wiping your face on my sweatshirt?" I giggle.

"Maybe," his small voice laughs. Dan lets go of me. "Thank you," he smiles.

"Don't thank me, it's okay," I reassure him. 

"Okay," Dan sniffles. He suddenly becomes aware of where we are. "Wait, how come you're out here? It's literally midnight."

"I mean, you're out here too. I was going to ask you the same thing. You know I never sleep," I joke.

"Me neither" Dan laughs quietly. "I was just having a stroll." 

"Oh okay."

"Actually, Phil," Dan scratches his head, "I just wanted to tell you something," Dan rocks backwards on his feet. "And I figured, since, well, we talked on the train about meeting at midnight... I know it was only a joke! But, I knew you'd be up. I wanted to talk to you about something," he scratches the back of his neck.

"To be honest, I wanted to talk to you, too," I admit, bowing my head.

"Glad that I'm not the only one. This will make things a lot easier," he smiles. "So, do you want to go first?"

"Well, I was thinking maybe we could go inside somewhere to talk instead of sitting in the hallway," I laugh.

"Oh, true," Dan realises and wipes under his eyes again. "Your common room? It's right there," he points at the entryway.

That would, of course, be the most logical answer. "Maybe the library? Since no one will be there, and there might be people that walk into the common room, you know," I feel my cheeks heating up. Is it too cheesy to come out to my friend in the first place that we met? Fortunately, Dan doesn't make a connection, and agrees to head downstairs. 

"Good thing it's the first night, and teachers are more lenient with being out of bed. Besides, if they see us heading to the library, they'll be fine with it! They love us... I mean, you," Dan corrects himself and shakes his head. "They love you here."

"And you too!" I nudge him.

"No, I'm just a Slytherin. You're a Hufflepuff, everyone loves you guys," he hangs his head.

"No, Dan," I stop him in his tracks. "That's not true, you can't think that way! Slytherins are great people, too."

"What do you mean? We're just Slytherins, you don't know what some of our people have done,” Dan knits his eyebrows together. “There’s really awful… horrible things. Terrifying, actually,” he laughs horsely. “And I’m… well I have the same qualities as all of them. I’m capable of… of murdering a whole village, or possessing a child and tearing them apart!” Dan looks at his hands in horror. “I could become one of them,” he whispers.

“Dan, look at me. Please, listen to me,” he looks up at me, his eyes filled with shame. “You are Daniel James Howell. You are not one of ‘them,’ because you have no qualities of an evil murderer or a massive death ray scientist. You don’t want to destroy the world, do you?”

“Sometimes…” he laughs sarcastically. “But no, not really, of course.”

“See? You are not here to become evil. You are a Slytherin because you are ambitious, proud, talented, and smart. You know better than anyone else that Slytherins are not all death ray machine creators, right?”

“Of course,” Dan begins to walk again. “But Triston said…”

“What Triston said was wrong. Maybe the hat sorted you into Slytherin to prove everyone wrong.”

“The hat does that?” Dan asks, confused.

“Maybe. I mean, why not? You never know what the hat is thinking. It might have put you, the nicest person anyone's ever met, into Slytherin to show idiots like Triston what Slytherin's really about."

“I'm not the nicest person ever!" Dan denies my statement. 

"I'm not even going to start arguing with that because you know you're wrong."

"Whatever, Philly," he rolls his eyes. 

"And anyway, maybe the hat places people in the houses that they need to be in, so they can learn a lesson, or teach other people a lesson," I continue. At night when it’s quiet, sometimes the moving stairs stay still for a bit, so we walk peacefully down a carpeted stairway. 

"So you're in Hufflepuff because the hat wanted to give you a house plant addiction," he nudges me.

"Very funny," I stick my tongue out as we walk past a painting of an old man sleeping on top of a cow's back. The cow looks up as we walk by, masticating bunches of flowers. Most of the people in the paintings on the wall sleep peacefully. Every once and awhile, a cat or a dog will come up to the edge of the frame and mew or bark at us. 

“I wish I had a dog,” Dan whispers as a shibe stretches as he passes by.

“I wish I were a dog," nice, Phil. Can you get any more awkward?

"That would be nice," Dan smiles to himself. "Then I could just sleep all day."

"And eat," I sigh inside. So that wasn't as awkward as I thought it was. 

"At least you have Holly," Dan reminds me. She's my house rabbit that acts like a dog.

"That's true, I do," I take out a folded picture from my sweatshirt pocket. I took it when I first brought Alan home over the summer and he met Holly. Alan had hidden over in the corner while Holly tried to find him. But of course, as pictures do in the wizarding world, the two animals had moved around and Alan was now perched on top of Holly's cage, while she slept in the corner. "She and Alan didn't like each other much when they first met," I tell Dan.

"But I reckon they're best friends now," Dan giggles. "Alan's just like you, he makes friends with anyone." I give Dan a painful smile, wondering if he sees me as just his friend. Just his best friend and nothing else. What would be more painful than that?

*

"So what did you want to say to me?" I ask Dan as we settle down.

"Oh, well, I don't know. What did you want to say?" Dan runs his hand through his fringe repeatedly.

Oh, crap. I'm going first. "Oh my god, wow this is kind of weird? But you know how we never keep secrets from each other?" I rush through nervously without waiting for Dan to respond. "Well, I kind of have. I guess it's not really a big secret, I mean, maybe it is? I don't know I've never really had to tell people this, so I don't know if it's a big deal or--" I see Dan wringing his fingers together out of the corner of my eye. "Dan? What's up?"

"Phil... I know what you're going to say!" he blurts out, jumping out of his chair.

"What?" How? What could have possibly happened? Who would have told-- 

"Phil, oh my god, I'm so sorry," Dan begins to pace, "It's just that I heard you practising in the mirror earlier! I am so so sorry, I should have found you earlier and told you I was there, I should have come out, and I--"

"Wait, Dan come out? As in out of a bathroom stall or _coming out_ , come out?" 

"Both! Phi-Phil... I'm gay. And I think I really like you."

“I- Dan I--” he looks away from me, as if he expects to be ridiculed. “I really like you, too,” Dan turns his face to look up at me.

“For real?” I nod and he steps towards me. “I… I feel special,” he puts his hand on his heart.

“You are,” I pull him closer.

“What?” he puts his arms on my shoulders and looks up into my eyes. 

“You are special Danny,” I wrap my arms around his waist and pull Dan closer to me. He leans into me and suddenly, we’re kissing. Kissing like the world will end tomorrow and the stars and the moon will crash and there’s nothing to be remembered of us but the love we shared. All I care about are his hands on my face and his soft lips tasting of salted caramel and chocolate. Nothing else matters except for Dan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my kissing experience is zero, so hopefully that was sufficient! :*


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I know I haven't been here in forever, but I am back! It's been a rough few months, but I will be here more often now. Sorry this chapter is so short, but I might get another on in tonight or very soon after that.  
> I also made a playlist for this fic, which you can find at http://8tracks.com/emily-cupcake/may-i  
> love you!

DAN

"I don't want to go back," I admit to Phil.  
"What do you mean?" he tilts his head.  
"I don't want to go back to the common room, I just want to be with you. Is that too cheesy?" I realise.  
"Not at all," Phil reassures me. "I don't want to go back either," he snuggles into me. I'm not sure exactly what time it is, but how important is that when Phil Lester is currently sitting on my lap?  
"Can't you just work some of your Hufflepuff charm and ask the librarians if we can stay over?"  
"Danny, you're just as likely as I am to be able to convince them of that."  
"So not very likely?" I begin to add that I'm a Slytherin and there's no way they'll trust me, but I don't want to ruin the moment with my worries.  
"Unfortunately I'm not very charming, am I?" Phil wiggles his eyebrows at me.  
"Shut up," I push him, laughing.  
"But seriously," he yawns like a little lion."We should get back. I'm going to be exhausted in class tomorrow," Phil stands up and plants a kiss on my cheek. Unfortunately he's right. We've been lucky enough to not have been caught by any of the house elves or professors. Phil stretches.  
"Speaking of tomorrow-" I start, realising we don't have a plan on who we're going to tell, what we're going to say...  
"Well technically, today," Phil corrects us. "Later today, since it's almost 1:00."  
"Okay nerd," I stand up next to him. "But really, what's the plan? Are we going to tell PJ and Chris or anyone else?"  
"I hadn't thought about that," he bites his lip. "But, Dan, you should know that both Chris and PJ have known for a while that I like you. Sorry I hadn't mentioned it."  
"They almost gave you away with the incident on the train, right?" I laugh, now coming to realise what they had been joking about. "And don't worry about telling Chris and PJ before me. I understand. They were like wingmen, weren't they?"  
"Kind of," Phil laughs. "More like, 'Phil we’re not blind idiots' men."  
"What else would they be?" I roll my eyes.  
"Do you think we need a plan? We could just tell our friends, and if anyone asks, as long as you're comfortable with that."  
"Definitely! I don’t want to have to hide this,” I snuggle closer to him. “Wait,” I take a step back, “what about Triston?"  
"Ignore him. Dan," he grabs my shoulders, "It is not worth you worrying about him. He is a loser with a bad attitude. You're better than him."  
"But..."  
"I know you. You’re not afraid of anything. You don't need to fear him. You're so more than him."   
I pull Phil into my arms. "Thank you. You're an angel."   
"Are you sure you're okay?" he holds me at arm's length again, "there's nothing else you need to talk about?"  
I open my mouth, prepared to talk about anything and everything that comes to mind, but strangely enough, I can't think of anything. "No, Philly. I'm happy now."  
"You are so worth it," he whispers into my ear. Oh fuck, now is not the time to get turned on, especially since Phil is pressed up against me. I pull away from the hug and reach down to grab his hand. "I'll walk you to your common room?"  
"Of course, sir," Phil intertwines his fingers with mine.  
"So," I smile mischievously, "was that your first kiss? Because, damn, you're good." Phil turns bright red and I laugh.  
"You know it was, and I know that was yours, too," he teases me. "Not that I could tell, of course." Now it's my turn to turn a deep crimson.  
"Fuck you," I mumble.  
"Anyway, as soon as you wake up, find me so we can figure out if we have any classes together," Phil politely changes the subject. We do this every year, because best friends stick together. But now it's special in a different way, because Phil Lester is my boyfriend! It makes my mind melt just thinking of it. Phil, my Philly, is my boyfriend!  
*  
“Okay, babe,” we stop at my common room and Phil pulls me in for a hug. “See you tomorrow at our table?”  
“Of course.”  
*


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's another short one. love you guys!

Phil

“Morning, sleepy head!” I call as Dan makes his way over to the table I’m sitting at.  
“Shut up,” he smacks my head.  
“Morning to you, too!” Chris calls, his hands cupped to magnify his voice.  
“We’re still here!” PJ echoes him.  
“Shut the fuck up,” Dan mimics, sitting down and stabbing some bacon with a fork, transferring it to his plate. “I didn’t get much sleep last night, so I thought you guys were hallucinations or something,” he sticks his tongue out, pouring orange juice into a goblet. The word ‘sleep’ makes me yawn.  
“Don’t talk about sleep, please,” I yawn again.  
“I swear to god, if I’m yawning during classes, it’s both of your faults,” Chris declares.  
“Speaking of classes,” I start to ask my friends about schedules.  
“Wait, wait, wait. Can we talk about last night for a second?” PJ interrupts. “We just wanted to make sure you’re okay, Dan." We all look over to Dan, who shrugs.  
“I mean, I’m obviously not perfect, but it's fine. I'd rather not talk about it."  
"Are you sure?" Chris suddenly turns serious. "You knows it's better to talk about it than to suppress it."  
"I know, ma," Dan jokes. "Thanks, though. I'm going to be fine. Besides, I am significantly happier,” he smiles at us.  
“How come?” Chris asks. Dan and I look at each other. His eyes widen and ask me a simple question, did you tell them yet? Not yet, I shake my head. “What did you little shits get up to last night?”  
“Shut up” PJ elbows him.  
“Well, we stayed up past curfew,” I admit.  
“Oh boy!” PJ feigns shock. “Good lord, I thought you were going to say that you robbed a bank, but this is serious!”  
“And…?” Chris prompts us.  
“Well, we ended up going to the library and…” Dan lifts up our intertwined hands. “This is my new boyfriend everyone.” The boys go silent for a moment.  
“I fucking told you, dumbass!” PJ punches Chris in the arm.  
“Fuck off, I said it would be a week, I was close!”  
“Suck it!”  
Dan giggles and passes me a clementine while PJ and Chris argue.  
“You’re the best,” I whisper.  
“Thanks, cutie,” he bops my nose as Chris and PJ's arguments die down.  
"But seriously, congrats to you guys! " PJ acknowledges us. He starts talking as if he's giving us a speech. "I know it took a lot of--"  
"We knew it would happen!" Chris interrupts.  
“ Shut up, he's speeching, " Dan cuts in and owls begin swooping in, delivering us our mail.  
“Classes!” Chris yells. On the first day of school, owls deliver the students our schedules, along with other messages from their families.  
“Alan! Come here, my liege,” I wave to him as he flies in from above.  
“My liege?” PJ asks.  
“He’s royalty,” I explain simply.  
"Cheri!" Dan whistles and swoops down gracefully, contrasting Alan's awkward waddle. "What do you have for me today?" Cheri sticks out her claw, revealing two envelopes. " My schedule and...?" he looks at the second message, probably a letter from his family. Cheri waddles over to me, since Dan is ignoring her. She tilts her head, looking for food from me. I give her a small bite of my eggs, but get distracted by Dan.  
"Dan?" I rub his knee and raise my eyebrows in concern.  
"What?" he looks at my face. "Oh,  
me? I'm fine, Philly. Honestly. It's just a lot of classes you know?" Something's wrong. The others don't pick up on it, but I sense Dan's concern.  
"Yeah," Chris agrees with Dan. "There's so many damn classes. Yikes. I am so not ready."  
I look over at Dan, whose eyebrows are knit together.  
"They just want to prepare us for all the tests and shit coming up," PJ interprets the schedule.  
"Let's not talk about OWLs and NEWTs right now, that's way too stressful this early," I stop them from continuing on the subject. Maybe that's what's troubling Dan?  
"Good point," Chris agrees.  
"So, classes?" Dan folds the other note in his pocket. Is that it? The note? That’s what’s bothering him?  
“Well, all the core classes, obviously. I’m taking Advanced Divination, apparently,” Chris answers. “I’ve got potions first-”  
“Me, too!” we high-five.  
“Good, I can copy off of you instead of Peej this year.”  
“He will drive you insane, I promise,” PJ winks. “I’ve got transfiguration first. How about you, Dan?”  
“History of Magic,” he groans. It’s Dan’s least favourite class. I’m worried that he’ll be alone this year. I shudder, wondering what might have happened last year if I hadn’t been there during his existential crisis.  
“That sucks, mate,” Chris replies. “Then I’ve got Transfiguration and Charms after that.”  
“I’ve got charms with you,” PJ adds, looking up from his schedule.   
“When’s DADA for you?” I turn to face Dan.  
“Second. You?”   
“Second!”  
“Great!” Dan grabs my hand again and plasters on a smile. “That’s going to be fun.”  
“Definitely.” I glance over at PJ and Chris, still talking about their schedules. “Dan, are you sure you okay?” I ask him quietly. The smile melts off his face.   
“I’m fine,” he squeezes my hand. “Just trying to avoid thinking about the future too much, you know?”  
“I know. It’s going to be okay, babe.” I glance at his schedule. “Care of Magical Creatures last?”   
“Yup. See you there,” he winks. My heart melts.  
“Phil, do we have any classes together?” PJ asks.  
“I hope so,” I scan my schedule. “When do you have herbology?”  
“Second to last. You too?”  
“Yes!” I nod. Checking my watch, I begin to stand up and clean up my bit of the table. Chris stands up and walks towards me.   
“Ready for potions?”  
“Ready as I’ll ever be,” I sigh dramatically and reach over to grab Dan’s hand. “Hey babe, try to have fun. I know you hate this class.”  
“Dude. Everyone hates it. I’ll try, though,” he kisses me and I swear I’m never going to get used to it   
“Come on, lovebirds,” Chris urges me. “We’re headed all the way downstairs, Philip.”  
“I’ll be right there. Start without me,” I call over my shoulder. “Bye, Danny!” I salute as he starts to leave. “Wait, PJ.”  
“Yeah?”  
“Before you go, can I ask you something?” we start walking out of the great hall.  
“Course, what’s up?”  
“In any of the classes you have with Dan today, can you make sure to watch out for him? I think something’s up. No idea why, though.”  
“Yeah, no problem, buddy,” he pats my back. “I’ll make sure your boyfriend is nice and happy,” PJ bats his eyes.  
“Shut up,” I smack him.  
“In all seriousness, though, I will.”  
“Thanks so much man,” we high five and I run ahead to meet Chris. Down to the dungeons we go.  
*


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a short one, guys! I'm glad to be back after such a long break. Honestly, this story brings me so much joy whenever I come back to it. Just know that the updates will be slow, but now you have a whole 11 chapters to read! I hope all of your holidays are fantastic and your family wasn't too bad this year.  
> Stay Awesome ❤

DAN

“Wait up, Dan!” PJ calls, running to catch up with me. I move to the side of the hallway to let the other students pass.  
“What do you have now?” I ask when he catches up to me.  
“Transfiguration. I figured we’re both heading in the same direction, since you’re off to Binns’ class.”  
“Gotcha. Do we have anything else together besides Defense Against the Dark Arts? I know we have that with Phil, too.”  
“Oh right!” He looks down at his schedule and over at mine. “I don’t think so.”  
“That sucks, man,” I flatten out my fringe and check to make sure nothing has fallen out of the pockets of my dress pants.  
“Looking for something?” PJ askes me.  
“Erm…” I slide my hand into my right pocket and feel the crumpled piece of paper from earlier. “Nope!”  
“Okay,” he says, waving at the Gryffindor head girl, Christy Johnson, as she moves in the opposite direction. “By the way, Dan, if you ever need anything, like if you need to talk or something, let me know okay?” I stop in front of the door to Binns’ room. “I’m here for you,” PJ says as he walks away, waving.  
“Thanks,” I whisper as I walk into the dreaded classroom. I make a dash for a seat in the back, by the window, and as Professor Binns begins to take roll call, I block his droning out. It’s so nice that they put his classroom by the Great Lake, as if they knew students would end up staring out the window. My favourite view is in winter, when the ice freezes over and the grass has frost on it every morning. Sometimes the ice will crack, and I watch Hagrid run over to try to catch a glimpse of the legendary giant squid.  
“Howell, Daniel?” the professor questions, monotonously.  
“Present,” I answer, matching his enthusiasm. Or lack, thereof.  
Madam Hooch starts to make her daily walk from the Great Hall to her office by the Quidditch pitch. I’ve almost memorised her path because it’s the same every year. She’ll come out one of the side doors, and then probably go back in for more food, and then come back out, maybe stopping at Hagrid’s hut. Or, more likely, she’ll be stopped at Hagrid’s hut when the creatures smell her food.  
“Everyone take out a piece of parchment and a quill. Today’s lesson will focus on the summer reading, comparing the American MACUSA and our Ministry of Magic.” Thank god I finished that on the train here. Reaching into my faded brown leather satchel, I pull out a roll of parchment, ink, and a new, black quill.  
The fresh parchment reminds me of the new piece that I got this morning. I was honestly quite shocked when I saw I was receiving two letters from Cheri this morning. My parents rarely send anything on the first day, so it wouldn’t be from them unless something bad had happened at home.  
I pull the crumpled piece out of my right pocket and hide it under the new parchment on my desk as Binns instructs us to take out _Wizarding Governments Around the Globe_ by Brittni Rowbottom. Each student turns to the chapter assigned for summer reading. My notes and highlighted information are hard to read and there are only a few bits done, but, hey, I did it! I look over at some of the student’s books around me. Columbus Niall, who sits across from me, practically wrote another book in the margins by the look of it. Binns starts to drone on again, and I take that as my cue to investigate the scrap of paper from this morning.

 _Dan-  
If you think any of your friends actually care about you, I’d honestly re-consider that opinion. You’re pathetic. Do you they’d ever like a Slytherin? You’re wasting their time. _

It’s unsigned, but after last night’s encounter, I know it’s Triston. In just four short sentences, he makes me question everyone I’ve ever considered a friend. Am I wasting their time? Am I pathetic? Do they care about me? Honestly, do they?  
Not time for an existential crisis now, Dan. Phil isn’t here to save you this time.  
He saves me from everything. Phil practically takes care of me. Sometimes I dream that he wakes up one morning and realises how much of a burden I’m becoming. When he leaves me in the dream, I almost always wake up crying. It’s my least favourite dream to have and I dread going to sleep sometimes. My worst fear is that my friends leave me. That they were pretending all along to like me. I love all three of them so much and I couldn’t bear for any of them to leave me.  
_No, Dan, that's not true. You can't think that way! Slytherins are great people, too._  
Suddenly I remember Phil’s confident words from last night.  
_You are a Slytherin because you are ambitious, proud, talented, and smart. What Triston said was wrong._  
My boyfriend’s voice echoes in my head. He’s right. What Triston said was wrong. Get your head in the game, Danny Boy. Focus on what’s important! Phil, not Triston. Phil, NOT Triston.  
I slide my elbows forward on my desk, rubbing my eyes with my hands. One of my elbows accidentally hits my ink pot, tipping it over and letting the ink flow all over the wooden desk.  
“Mr. Howell! You’ve made a mess of your desk. Clean it up immediately!” Professor Binns speaks with more energy than I've ever heard in my life. I fumble with my things as my quill lands in my lap and the pot of ink begins to roll that way as well. I clumsily throw my notes on to the ground to get them away from the spillage. Across from me, Columbus tuts and whips out his wand, clearing up my mess with a simple flick. Professor Binns sighs with relief.  
“Thank you, Niall. Try to be more careful next time, Howell.” I groan and scooch downwards into my seat, hiding from the class. ‘Try to be more careful next time’ I mock in my head. Fuck you, Binns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also wanted to mention, if I ever offend anyone on any level, PLEASE let me know. I am white and abled, so if I am overstepping my boundaries, I am always open to hearing. If you ever want me to include a specific gender, race, sexuality, disability, religion, etc. TELL ME! As a lesbian, I am 100% open to more inclusion in fiction.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my computer crashed while writing this and I almost cried bc i thought i lost everything. and then 20 minutes later docs was being weird and i swear it was the worst thing that ever happened all i wanted was fries i didn't ask for this
> 
> ALSO as someone who reads a lot of phanfic, I've nominated some of my favourite authors and fics here: http://phanficawards.tumblr.com/post/152594158882/phanfic-awards-2016-nominations  
> make sure to recognise your faves!!

PHIL

DING DING  
The bell in the clock tower rang twice, signaling the end of our first class.  
“Good job today, all!” Professor Collingwood attempts to speak over all of us putting our notes and things in our bags. “I know this was a lot of notes, but I promise tomorrow will be more hands-on. Make sure to bring in your lists for homework!”  
“Thank you, Professor,” I mutter on my way out. “Come on, Chris! Where are you headed?”  
“Oh…” he searches his pockets and bag for his schedule. “Aha! Here it is.” He pulls the loose piece of parchment out of his satchel. “Advanced Divination,” he traces his finger down to find his second period class. “This is my third year taking a Divination class. I took normal Divination, Arithmancy last year, and now this. The professor loves me.”  
“Must mean you’re good at it!” I’m not too surprised. Behind his goofy facade, Chris is pretty intelligent. Hufflepuffs are pretty good at finding things, so maybe finding the future is his specialty.  
“Yeah, I guess. I like it a lot, so that’s good.”  
“Have you made any fancy predictions or important prophecies yet?”  
“Nah,” he laughs. “That would be entertaining, though,” he grabs my arm, “imagine if I woke you up in the middle on the night one time and started going all prophecy-like on you?” Chris sticks his arms out and pretends to be in a trance. “You will only ever eat cheese in-”  
“Shut up!” I smack him. “I will never eat cheese!”  
“Okay, weirdo. What if I learn to hypnotise you into eating cheese?”  
“You wouldn’t!” I gasp. “Your betrayal wounds my heart,” I pretend to faint and put my hand to my forehead.  
“You’re a loser.”  
“No, you’re the loser!”  
“No, y- wait. Have you passed your class?” We look around at the landing we’re on. There’s only a few students passing around us, and looking out the window, we seem to be pretty high up in the castle.  
“Oh my god, I’m an idiot!” I smack my hand on my forehead and rub my eyes. “I have DADA with Dan and Peej!”  
“Good luck getting there in time!” Chris wishes me well as he runs up the endless, spiraling stairs to get to the wobbly ladder that acts as the door to his Divination class.  
“If only I could apparate,” I curse under my breath. I start to walk down the stairs, backtracking our path in my mind. I should only have two flights to climb back down if I’m correct.  
“I know a shortcut!” A gallant voice declares behind me. I whip my head around to see a painting of a field in Scotland. In the middle of the painting, a man in knight’s armour stands, looking quite out of place.  
“H-hello?” I walk closer to the painting and squint at the tiny man. A bronze plaque is pasted on the wall just below the ornate frame. “Sir Cadogan: The Most Obscure Night of the Round Table” it states.  
“I’m Sir Cadogan and I can help you find your way!” He strikes a pose standing on top of an unstable rock and falls over on to his face. Seems like a sign.  
“Erm… no thanks. I’m fine, I’ve still got time before the bell rings again.”  
“Are you sure?” Sir Cadogan puts his hands on his hips as I start to walk away. I can’t resist his puppy dog eyes.  
“Alright. I don’t need a short cut, but you can follow me if you want!”  
“Whoopee!!” He yells and jumps over to the next painting, a rainforest scene, as I quickly jump down the stairs. “What’s your name, brave knight?”  
“Phil,” I smile as I continue down the stairs in leaps and bounds. I start to see more people filling the hallways as I arrive at the next landing. Sir Cadogan hops off of a hippo and onto the table of a feast in the next picture. The diners yell at him as he hurtles into the next portrait.  
“Philip? I once knew a knight named Philip, a lovely chap. He had hundreds of dogs and he trained them very well. Once I recieved a dog from Sir Philip and he lead me many years in my quests for King Arthur. He was a wonderful dog, with long, flowing fur, and he was always at my side. I always thought of Sir Philip when this dog went with me-”  
“Thanks, Sir Cadogan, but here’s my class. I’m glad you were able to accompany me.” Kind of.  
“Oh, of course! Shall I be seeing you around Sir Philip?”  
“Definitely,” I try to smile politely as I cross the hall away from the painting he’s currently in. “Bye!” I call and I step into the classroom. I hear a faint ‘tallyho!’ from the hallway and roll my eyes, picturing Sir Cadogan taking out his sword and charging through the endless pictures to get back to his field in Scotland.  
“Phil! Over here!” PJ and Dan wave to get my attention. I pick up my pace to walk over to them and sit down at Dan’s side just as the bell rings twice.  
“Made it just in time,” I sigh as I slide down into the chair. I lean my head onto Dan’s shoulder. “How was class, babe?”  
“Not great,” he sighs. “I spilled my ink all over the desk and Binns yelled at me to clean it up.”  
“Smooth,” PJ rolls his eyes.  
“Shut the fuck up, asshole,” Dan smacks his arm playfully. “This dick Columbus who sits next to me cleaned it up for me. He was like ‘ugh, do I have to do everything around here?’” I laugh at Dan’s imitation.  
“Didn’t Columbus colonise America or something?” I ask, lifting my head off his shoulder.  
“It must be his destiny to be a dick, then.” Dan raises his eyebrows at us.  
“Good morning, everyone!”  
“Good morning, Professor Marston!” she's the first Professor to be hired after the old curse, which caused Defence Against the Dark Arts teachers to only stay for one year.  
“How was everyone's summer holiday? Good?” Everyone nodded. “Can you all take out your books?” Professor Marston turns to the board and writes our summer assignment in chalk. _The Essential Defence Against the Dark Arts_ by Arsenius Jigger. “I know this might have been a more difficult level to read and understand, but you are far past beginners now, so I know you can handle it,” she smiles at all of us. Professor Marston has taught each of us since we were eleven and she's one of my favourite professors, besides Professor Neville. “Right. If I were to break my leg on a hiking trip, what spell would you use to save me?”  
“ _Episkey_?” Corrine Plaskett raises her hand.  
“Good, but that's a better solution for minor injuries. Anyone else?  
“There isn't a correct spell, is there?” Dayton Guinness volunteers.  
“That's right!” Professor Marston walks by and pats Dayton on the head. “What would you use to help me for the time being?”  
“ _Ferula_?” I ask. I know this because it's what the nurse used last year to help heal Dan.  
“Excellent, Mr. Lester. The best solution would be to conjure band aids and maybe a splint to help me along. You'd have to find a potion to solve this one magically, but that's not my department. Well, let’s all get out our wands and practice that spell!”  
“Okay so-”  
“ _Ferula_!” Dan whispers, suddenly pointing his wand at my face.  
“I’m being atta-” the rest of my words become muffled by the bandages over my mouth. Professor Marston’s laughter echoes across the room as I am transformed into a mummy. “Frainks, Daun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyway,,,, im such a mess lmao. hope you are all doing so great. i love you all. follow me on tumblr, im gayccupcake  
> if anyone is crazy enough to want to beta for me, let me know!!!! i want to make sure this fic is good enough for you guys and having a beta would help me out loads. you can comment below or message me on tumblr.  
> stay awesome!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY GUYS THIS IS AMAZING!!  
> I was nominated for 3 phanfic awards this year and I want to thank you guys so much!!!!!!!! I'm nominated for the best archive of our own fic, best storyline of a fic, and best chaptered fic. Thank you guys so much for nominating me. It honestly means so much. It would be SO cool if you guys were able to vote for me if you want. Also vote for all of your other favourites bc all of the authors work incredibly hard for it. (esp. _In My Way_ by ineverhadmyinternetphase and _Flashbacks_ by bandfic, which you can search for here on ao3)  
>  You can vote for me using this link for best ao3 fic: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSedpjWYVpj_esfgmbL7-22Wlt6ynpNo4YrhbIxqHpM3K5hORw/viewform  
> And this link for best storyline and chaptered fic: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSf3xb3UDCBH4y0DKWuh8QGDEGAC6QbUsvqY6hdaKLJHtBILgA/viewform  
> Here's the link to all the other voting forms: http://phanficawards.tumblr.com/
> 
> I love you guys so much and thank you for making this a possibility. It feels so great and I am beyond excited to simply be nominated for something special like this.  
> Stay Awesome :)

DAN  
"Come here! Come on, little guy! Timothy!" Phil attempts to coax the niffler away from our competitors.  
"If he could just stay focused, we might have a chance at winning..." I lovingly roll my eyes at Phil, who successfully managed to lure our niffler away from Elizabeth Mhadaidh and Herman English. “Did Hagrid want us to find one big trophy or a bunch of little things?”  
“One big prize,” he explains. Hagrid set up a maze for us to navigate on the first day of Care of Magical Creatures. Each team of two has a niffler, and Phil has named ours Timothy, apparently. The nifflers are good at finding gold, and Hagrid hid some big prize somewhere in the maze and the first team to dig up the prize wins the challenge. The challenge is to keep our nifflers on task, since there are shiny distractions placed everywhere. “And we’re going to win!” Phil exclaims.  
“Okay, Philly.”  
“We will! I have faith in Timothy,” he declares.  
“Ten minutes more!” the voice of Hagrid echoes in the distance. I look down at Timothy and he looks back at me, almost seeming to smirk. And of course, we run into another wall of shrubbery.  
“Another dead end?” I run my hands through my fringe, which is starting to curl after being under the being out in the sun and sweating so much. “Where do you want to go next? Left or right?” I grab Phil’s hand.  
“Erm… left!” He decides. “Timothy, let’s go,” he calls to our niffler.  
“So! Do you want to do anything tonight? We don’t have astronomy tonight so we can do something!” I inform Phil hopefully.  
“Of course, babe!” he smiles at me. “I don’t think we have too much homework.”  
“Fuck homework,” I groan.  
“You’ve got to do it at least the first day!”  
“Yeah, yeah, I know. You’re right,” I pull my schedule out of my pocket and go through my classes. “Okay, I’ve got no History of Magic, I think. One chapter to read for DADA, a list of known curing mixtures to look up for Potions, nothing for charms, and probably nothing for this class!”  
“No Transfiguration or Herbology today?”  
“Nope. I’ve got Herbology tomorrow with Chris, though!”  
“That’ll be fun, right?”  
“Yeah, definitely. You had Herbology today, right? How was it?” I ask Phil, knowing it’s his favourite class.  
“It was great! I really loved being back. I definitely missed it over the summer.”  
“I’m shocked! The only thing you did this summer is surround yourself with more plants, so I wasn’t sure if you missed it or not,” I nudge him.  
“Oh shut up, nerd.”  
“Your room will probably transform into a rainforest by-”  
"Shhh. He's found something!" Phil gestures to Timothy, currently digging up a small golden trophy.  
“Is that it? Is that the prize?”  
“Oh my god, it might be!”  
“Quick, alert Hagrid!” Phil pulls his wand out from his robes and shoots up green sparks, letting Hagrid know we think we’ve found something. “Good job, Timothy!” I lean down to pat the niffler on his head. He swings his head around and nuzzles against my arm. “You’re my favourite, Timmy.” Timothy gurgles at me. Maybe I could take him back to the dorm and introduce him to Cheri. They’d like each other.  
“Dan? Phil? Ya think yer’ve found summat?” comes bursting through the hedge. I pick up Timothy as Phil shows him our trophy. “That’s it! Congratulations, Dan and Phil.”  
“Have we won anything?” I ask him.  
“Err… bragging rights!” he leans a bit closer to us. “Ter tell ya the truth, I’ve been hiding some chocolate from Honeydukes. I think I could let ya have it!”  
“Can I have Timothy, too?”  
“I wish I could let ya keep ‘im, Dan. I’m afraid ‘e’s got to stay wif the rest of those nifflers. ‘E looks like he likes ye, though! Ya could come back to visit when yer want, right?” Hagrid guffaws and pats me on the head. The bell rings from the top of the bell tower and class is dismissed. “Good job terday, all! See you Wednesday!” he turns downward to face Phil and I. “‘Eres that chocolate for the bof of ya. Enjoy!”  
“Thanks, Hagrid!” I call over my shoulder as I run to my bag.  
“See you!” Phil echoes.  
“Anything specific you want to do tonight?” I ask him.  
“Anything that involves you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you guys so much and I hope you are enjoying. i know recent updates have been incredibly short, so bear with me, I promise to make them longer in the future. As always, feel free to contact me on my tumblr, gayccupcake. Thanks again for nominating me.


	14. QUESTIONS and STUFF

RIGHT SO I'M BACK  
AND I'VE BEEN THINKING THINGS OVER  
its been a very long past couple of months man. School is getting stressful, I'm in two shows and my mental heath is declining. BUT I'm not here to make excuses. I am sorry for being gone for so long. I wish I got more into this story, I've just really been experiencing a lot of writer's block in my life right now and I haven't written anything since chapter 13. Today I happened to read over the entire work and oh my god. Some of the earlier chapters are absolute shit and I'm just really ashamed of them. I'm just frustrated with them. It's not a bad story, in fact I know where I'm going with it and I always love writing it. Sometimes it's just tough, you know?  
So I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm sorry for being gone so long. It's going to take a long time to get back to this, as much as I love it. So if I'm on here writing other works, don't worry. I haven't forgotten about this one, it's just hard to write for because I think about those shitting and embarrassing chapters from the beginning. I love you guys a lot and thank you for sticking with me.  
IMPORTANT QUESTION: do you guys think I should keep going with this? Sometimes I feel like there's no point. Would you guys keep on reading? Have a super rad day and we'll see where this ends up going.


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